Why Having a Dog is Nothing Like Having a Baby

This post is inspired by my BFF, Shannon, who became a mommy in January to her beautiful daughter, Olivia Reigh. We were texting yesterday about how difficult (and rewarding!) it is to be a new mom and how hard it is for our single, child-less friends to understand some of our choices. (Like saying no to a baby shower because it started right at baby's nap time, and that just wouldn't be fun for anyone within a ten mile radius.) Then Shannon mentioned that one of her friends said that she knows what it's like to have a baby because she has a new puppy. I literally laughed out loud. Then I realized that this would make an excellent blog post. And then I laughed some more.

1. Dogs can be left at home.
A few months after Rory was born, I had to get a cavity filled.I tried leaving Rory in her car seat next to my chair, but two minutes later she was already wailing louder than the dental drill. The receptionist tried keeping her busy and was nice enough to walk her around the office, but that only lasted about five minutes. I realized at that point that my only choice was to allow her to sit with me during the procedure. So, she literally sat on my lap and watched as the dentist filled my cavity. Needless to say, Marli stayed at home.

2. Dogs don't need to eat every 2 hours.
We have always just been able to leave food out for Marli. She's not one of those dogs that will eat it all in one sitting, but even if you have to feed your dog twice a day, I'm pretty sure the SPCA won't be knocking at your door if you're a few hours late coming home one day. Babies, on the other hand, seem to eat constantly when they're first born. Rory is just now able to go 3-4 hours between feedings. Imagine having to come home/wake up every two hours to feed your dog. I have a feeling there would be a lot less dog-lovers out there if this were the case.

3. Dogs sleep. Alot.
Sure, newborns do too, but that doesn't last long. The older dogs get, the more they sleep. The opposite is true for babies. Puppy owners may have a few rough nights when their dogs are getting used to their new surroundings, but eventually they learn to sleep when you sleep. Also, if your dog makes noise in the middle of the night, you can throw something at their crate, tell them to be quiet, and put a pillow over your head to drown out the noise. For some reason this method is frowned upon when used with babies.

4. You can lock your dog in another room when company comes over.
Now that Rory is more mobile, having an adult-conversation is virtually impossible. I may be looking at you and nodding my head at all the right times, but I'm not really listening. Instead I'm mentally calculating when Rory needs to eat next and scanning the perimeter for choking hazards. If Marli is being obnoxious when we have company over, I simply put her outside or lock her in our bedroom.

5. Dogs can take obedience classes.
If you want to improve you dog's behavior, you simply sign it up for obedience classes. The professionals at PETCO will teach your dog to sit, heal, and roll over in about two months time. If your son or daughter happens to be a hellion, there is no such thing as baby obedience classes. (Although maybe there should be.) That means that you alone are responsible for teaching you child to say "thank you", pee in the toilet, and apologize when they do things like wipe their nose on a stranger's shirt.

6. You don't constantly agonize about your dog's development.
If your dog does things like eat poop or chase his tail, he's quirky. No big deal. In fact, you may even brag about your dog's idiosyncrasies. Dog owners don't call their vets at 3 in the morning and ask if they should be concerned that their dog hasn't learned to roll over yet. When your child is behind or develops odd habits, you think about it constantly. You scour the internet for any proof that your child may still be considered "normal", despite the fact that she seems to be obsessed with licking the carpet.

8. You can give your dog away.
If you realize that owning a dog isn't for you, or your circumstances change, you can always give your dog away. You can ask a friend to take it or drop it off at the local shelter. If your kid is driving you crazy or you realize that your baby is making it hard for you to be the mom you always imagined you would be, too bad. You're stuck with her forever. Or at least until she's 18 and it's no longer considered illegal to kick her out of the house.

9. You can put your dog on a leash. 
Okay, maybe there are some similarities between being a mom and being a dog owner.


Thanks for the idea, Shannon. You have at least one friend who totally gets it.