Why I'm Anal About Naptime

Yesterday I was painfully reminded of why I never go anywhere close to nap time. Rory recently transitioned to one nap a day, which means she sleeps from about 1230-200 on most afternoons. This makes planning our morning outings much easier, but also kind of tricky. If we happen to be driving anywhere after 11:30, it's pretty much a sure thing that she'll fall asleep in the car, and I've never been good at the car-crib transfer. 

It's our fault that Rory only naps well in her crib. At around 4 months it became apparent that she was out of the infant "I can sleep anywhere" phase. Sounds she used to be able to sleep through, like Marli barking or the washing machine running, began to wake her up. So, we started "sleep training", and she quickly became accustomed to a dark, quiet room, so now it's difficult for her to fall and stay asleep anywhere but her crib.

But yesterday I was feeling brave and decided to go to Costco after meeting a friend for coffee. Sure enough, Rory fell asleep on the way. Luckily she's still small enough to be in the infant carseat, so I was able to just put her into the shopping cart asleep, and I thought I was going to make it out of the store with a sleeping baby, but she woke up as soon as I started piling my things onto the conveyor belt. I tried putting her down again once we got home, but she was convinced that a 43 minute nap was all she needed for the day....which brings me to my point. (Finally.)

Forty-three minutes. From 6:30 am yesterday morning to 7:30 pm last night, I got exactly 43 minutes of peace and quiet. (Although dodging other carts in Costco while trying not to wake a sleeping baby is really anything but relaxing.) Forty-three minutes in thirteen hours. A mere three quarters of an hour that I didn't have to sing "The Wheels on the Bus", or pretend to be fascinated by yet another dead leaf, or calm a screaming toddler who is convinced I am hiding bananas in the pantry when really she ate the last one for breakfast.

And yes, I realize that these things are all in my job description as a stay-at-home-mom, and yes, I realize how fortunate I am to stay home with my daughter, but I want you to think for a minute about people who go to work in offices everyday. I believe an hour for a lunch break is standard. Well, that's 17 more minutes than I got yesterday. And then there's the commute to work. Assuming it's child free, do you know how much I would love a 30 minute solo commute to work everyday? That would mean 60 whole minutes of listening to whatever radio station I wanted. One hour I wouldn't have to hear Rory scream "Mama!" over and over again just for fun. I would give my right arm for one hour of mindless driving everyday. To better help those of you who are not mothers understand my point, imagine that your lunch break was suddenly taken away. Or better yet, imagine that you still had a lunch break, but you had to eat in a preschool classroom next to a child who wants to try everything you're eating, and then promptly spits it out. Back onto your plate. That's what it's like to be a SAHM with a kid who misses her nap.

Instead of a lunch break or a commute, moms get nap time. I believe that I speak for all moms when I say that we live and breath for nap time. Nap time is sacred. It is often the only break we get all day. It is when I check my email, browse Pinterest, eat lunch, do laundry, or watch crappy daytime TV. It is when I schedule doctor's appointments, clean the bathroom, and pay pills. Without nap time, my house would be disgusting, no one would have anything to wear, and I wouldn't know what Mila and Ashton named their baby.

So, please don't look at me like I'm a lunatic when I tell you that we can't meet you for lunch at noon because of Rory's nap schedule. And don't make me feel crazy for putting a sign on my door asking people not to ring the doorbell. Unless, of course, you want to come to my house and spend time with my daughter on a day when she has missed her nap. Once you're here, I'll be sure to take my hour lunch break.

August 4, 2014

This day will forever be remembered as the day that Rory slept past 5:30 am. I would like to thank my aunts, Kelly and Mary, for tiring Rory out during their visit and making this day possible.

Note the time. I promise her eyes are closed. 

So, This is How I Like to Sleep Now

I'm sleeping like a baby, but my mom and dad are constantly checking the monitor to make sure I'm still breathing.

Magic Suit Weaning

A few months ago, I posted a review of the Merlin Magic Sleep Suit. It has done wonders for Rory's night sleep, but she is beginning to outgrow it, and rather than order the next size, Marcos and I decided to wean her from the suit. (The fact that it's been about 1,000 degrees here the past few days only validated our decision, as the Merlin Magic Sleep Suit is basically a super padded snow suit.) I was convinced that she would resist the sleepsac and have difficulty falling asleep, but she's adapted quite well. Or so I thought.
 I was so tired last night that I apparently slept through Rory and Marcos' play date. But, don't worry, I got the play-by-play this morning. According to Marcos, it went something like this:

Around 10 pm, Rory rolled over onto her belly and proceeded to make cute cooing noises.

Five minutes later her cooing noises turned to cries because Rory hasn't quite figured out how to roll from her belly to her back.

So, Marcos went to her nursery and helped her get back into sleeping position.

Just as Marcos returned to bed and closed his eyes, he heard her cute cooing noises (Apparently the cooing noises became decreasingly cute as the night went on) and looked into the camera to see Rory once again on her belly.

This carried on until about 11pm when she finally fell back asleep. Luckily, Marcos took a picture so we will never forget her first night sans sleepsuit. (No matter how hard we try.)

What? You're the one who's always insisting that I do tummy time. 

A List of Things That Have Woken Rory Up

1. The washer

2. The wind

3. The garbage truck

4. The ice cream truck*

5. A sneeze

6. My text alert

7. Marli barking

8. The neighbor's lawn mower

9. The creaky top stair

10. The sound of me taking my first bite of lunch (I may have made this one up.)

*Side note: Did you know an ice cream cone costs $3.50 now?!

Why I Broke My Number One Sleep Training Rule

Well readers, lock me up in mommy jail and throw away the key. Yesterday, I broke the number one, most important sleep training rule: I nursed Rory back to sleep during her afternoon nap. Gasp! But before you start pelting me with Legos and ban me for life from the good mom club, let me explain myself.

The past week has been crazy in the Fukumoto house, to say the least. Marcos' parents, his sister, AND his sister's fiance are visiting from Brazil, Dallas, and California, respectively. I know all you other Type A's out there feel my pain. I've had anxiety about this visit for months now. Every time I brought up one of my "concerns" to Marcos, I swear I saw his hand twitch.

Make sure they wash their hands before they hold her. 

They have to be quiet when she takes a nap.

They should rent a car so they're not sitting around all day. 

Tell your mom she can't pick her up if she cries in the middle of the night. 

You're going to make sure you're home to help me with bedtime, right?

Make sure they know that they can't all take a shower at the same time, or we'll run out of hot water.

Needless to say, it's been a long 5 days...and I still have 5 more to go. Every where I turn there are people! People asking me where something is or how something works. I've grown accustomed to spending my whole day alone with Rory and Marli, so it's been quite an adjustment for sure.

Rory, on the other hand, is in heaven. She has not one, but five playmates at her beck and call all day long. Every morning I sneak out of the house to get coffee and leave her with her aunt and grandparents. When I return half an hour later, she looks at me with a puzzled expression as if to say, "Oh you. I didn't realize you had left."

Unfortunately, all of this excitement has wrecked havoc on her nap schedule. She's not used to all the extra noise in the house, and she's such a light sleeper that a loud sneeze woke her up from her morning nap yesterday. I kid you not. A sneeze. So, I was relieved when everyone left to go shopping during her afternoon nap. I figured she was so tired that she would sleep for at least 2 hours. So, when she began stirring an hour into her nap, I was determined to let her put herself back to sleep without any interference from me. I anxiously watched on the video monitor as she tried again and again to transition into the next sleep cycle. Eventually, her whines turned into a full blown cry, and I knew that I had two choices:

1. Allow her to keep crying until she reached our time limit, or

2. Sneak into her room and "help" her go back to sleep.

To be honest, my decision was a selfish one. I hate hearing her cry and I knew that if we were all going to survive the sushi dinner we had planned, she needed a good nap. So, I sneaked into her room, quietly lifted her out of her crib and proceeded to nurse her. She fell asleep within minutes, but rather than put her back in her crib, I decided to just watch her sleep...something I haven't done in months.

After spending less time with her these past few days, I felt disconnected. So, I decided to take the opportunity to enjoy my baby and appreciate all of the little things that I've been too busy to notice lately. I noticed that her feet were hanging off of her nursing pillow. Wasn't it just yesterday that the same pillow seemed to swallow her up? I noticed that her hair was getting lighter and starting to wave slightly. (Finally some proof that she shares my DNA.) I noticed that her eyelashes cast long shadows on her cheeks while she was sleeping. I noticed that she still has a small dimple in her right cheek. I noticed that her hand was wrapped tightly around my finger while she slept. I noticed that tears were running down my cheeks as I sat there and listened to the melting snow outside the window and watched my baby sleep.

I'll be the first one to tell you that nursing your baby to sleep will surely backfire on you when it's time to wean or you are trying to get your baby to sleep through the night. But, I have no regrets about breaking this rule yesterday. Sometimes you just have to rock your baby to sleep. And not because they need it, but because you do.

Pardon the drool...we're teething. 

11 Things I wish I had Known About Baby Sleep

I know, I know; enough with the sleep posts already. But now that we're in the thick of it, it's all I can think about. It's been about four weeks since we started "sleep-training", and even though I'm optimistic about the progress we've made, there are still several things I would have done differently. Here's a list of things I wish I had known from the beginning.

1. Every baby is different. 
I keep in touch with two women from my prenatal baby class and our babies are all months apart, so it's easy to compare when it comes to things like infant milestones and sleep habits. One baby has slept through the night pretty much since birth! I've realized that some babies are just born good sleepers while others need time to develop those sleep milestones. Maybe your baby is a short napper. Maybe your baby needs more/less sleep than the average baby. I've read several message boards written by moms of twins who have one baby that sleeps well and one that doesn't. How can babies with the exact same parents and exposed to the exact same sleep environments produce such different results? Because every baby is different, that's why.

2. No single technique is 100% effective.
I think I've read every sleep book there is. I quickly discovered that when I strictly followed a specific plan outlined in a specific book written by a specific author, Rory's sleep habits suffered rather than improved. I believe that's because I didn't allow myself to deviate from the plan, even if I knew certain aspects didn't work for me or my baby. I've had much more success with using strategies from various plans and piecing them together to create my own sleep training method. 


3. There will probably be (some) tears. 
In the beginning of this process, I would rush into Rory's nursery as soon as she made a peep. I thought that if I let her cry, it meant that I was a terrible parent and Rory would be emotionally scarred forever. I was determined to sleep train using only cry-free techniques, and for the most part we have, but I quickly realized that sometimes I had to let her cry. Often she will wake-up mid-nap, fuss for about 10 minutes and then go back to sleep. I know now that allowing Rory to cry while she attempts to put herself back to sleep doesn't make me a bad parent. I am simply providing her with an opportunity to practice self-soothing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Marcos and I agreed on a crying time-limit, and if she cries past this, we go in and get her.

4. It's 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
Some days Rory will nap for 1.5 hours without waking up, and the next day her longest nap is 30 minutes. This is why it's important to keep a sleep log. It allows you to see the forest through the trees and realize that you are making progress, even if some days it feels as though you're moving backwards. Yesterday I called Marcos crying because Rory only napped for 20 minutes two days in a row and I was exhausted and frustrated. Now, as I write this post, she's been napping for over an hour. Two steps forward, one step back.

5. It's all trial and error. 
I wish I had a minute of sleep for every time Marcos and I have tried something new in an attempt to extend Rory's naps. Maybe her cloth diapers are uncomfortable? Nope. Maybe her room is too hot? Nope again. Maybe her sound machine isn't loud enough? Nope, nope, nope. However, through trial and error we have discovered that she needs her room to be very dark and she does best when we put her sleep suit on her before reading her a book.

6. Some sleep milestones are developmental. 
This is one of my favorites because it takes some of the pressure off of me. Sometimes they just aren't ready to sleep through the night, self-soothe, or consolidate day sleep, no matter what you do or how much you push. It's like expecting a 2-month-old to walk. All you can do is give them plenty of opportunities to practice.

7. Every day is a chance to start over. 
I have to remind myself of this almost every single day. If Rory has three short naps and is cranky in between, I know that tomorrow she will wake up with a smile and we can try again.

8. Trust your instincts. 
I get angry just thinking about all the times I told my inner self to "shut-up" and instead followed the advice I had read in one of the baby sleep books, only to realize later on that I was right all along. No one knows your baby like you do. Even if all the books are telling you to do things one way, only you know if it's the right thing for you and your baby. If it feels wrong, it probably is.

9. Respect your baby's need for sleep.
Did I ever tell you about the time Marcos and I had to leave a dinner party before dinner was even served because Rory was so exhausted she was practically delirious? Babies need lots of sleep. It contributes to both their mental and physical development and serves the purpose of storing newly learned information in their brains. Like you, babies' bodies may be resting during sleep, but their brains are hard at work. If you want your baby to get the appropriate amount of sleep, you will most likely have to say "no" to things like running errands in the middle of the day or going to happy hour with your coworkers. One of my favorite things to do is watch Marcos play soccer, but I learned (the hard way) that I can't go to his games because I end up with an overtired baby. It's hard, but it's just one of the many sacrifices we make as parents. Plus, most nights Rory is in bed by 7, and that gives me plenty of time to run to the store or meet a friend for dinner.

10. Routine, routine, routine! 
A common thread I discovered in virtually every baby sleep book I read was the importance of establishing a sleep routine and putting baby down at the same time every night. If your baby goes to bed around the same time each night, she will most likely wake up around the same time each morning, making it much easier to develop a consistent nap routine. If you give your child a bath before bed each night, she will come to expect it and take it as a sign that bedtime is near. Children (and many adults) thrive on routine, and you benefit as well. If your child goes to bed at a different time every night or naps at a different time every afternoon, how can you possibly know what to expect or make any plans? Of course, there is an element of flexibility involved. Your baby doesn't have to wake up at the exact time to the minute every single day. Unfortunately, it often seems like just when you've established an effective routine, your baby starts teething or has a growth spurt, and everything changes once again.

11. If it's not a problem for you, then it's not a problem. 
So, your baby will only nap in a swing or the carseat? If it doesn't bother you, who cares? As long as your baby is getting enough sleep and you're okay with it, I wouldn't consider it a problem. Sometimes you just have to let things go.

My techy-husband set up a surveillance camera in Rory's room so we can watch her sleep from anywhere.  

The Baby Merlin Magic Sleep Suit: A Review

If you read my blog you already know that we've been having sleep issues around here lately. The 4 month sleep regression hit us hard and we are still battling the 45 minute nap intruder. (I didn't come up with this phrase, but I kind of wish I had.) When I mentioned our sleep woes to a friend in an email, she suggested I try the Merlin Magic Sleepsuit.

What? What was this contraption that I hadn't yet come across in all of my hours of googling phrases like "sleep help" and "I think my 4 month old hates me"?

When I first saw the suit, I was skeptical to say the least. (It looks like a big, puffy snowsuit.) But, the more testimonials I read, the more I became convinced that we desperately needed this magic suit in our lives. I was fascinated by the reviews on their website as well as Amazon. One woman wrote that she would pay $39 a day for this suit. Several reviews stated that after using the suit, their babies took much longer naps. SOLD! Of course, not every review was magical, but we were desperate and have free shipping through Amazon, so I thought, "What the hell?".

According to the website, the puffy suit design allows freedom of movement while at the same time providing a safe, calming sleep environment. I was drawn to the fact that it helps babies transition to swaddle-free sleep. Rory was beginning to resist being swaddled and we didn't want to create another unsustainable sleep association. We tried putting her to bed unswaddled, but she only lasted a few minutes because her limbs kept flailing and waking her up. The puffy Merlin Magic Sleepsuit safely muffles babies' movements and prevents flailing and premature wake ups. The creator of the suit is a mom of four and a pediatric physical therapist. Apparently her first child was not a good sleeper and she began experimenting with ways to improve and prolong her sleep.


I'm embarrassed to say this, but even though I received the suit less than 48 hours after ordering, it sat in the box for several more days. Rory had never slept with her arms free and I was terrified that using the suit would only worsen her sleep. Marcos and I tried the suit on a weekend so that if we had to get up every few hours, at least he wouldn't have to go to work the next day.

Before using the suit, Rory was waking at least twice a night, usually around 10:30 and 3:00. The pediatrician told me that she should only be waking once and should be doing a 6-8 hour stretch in the beginning, so I was determined to eliminate the 10:30 feed.

The first night we used the suit, we went through our normal bedtime routine (bath, feed, books, bed) and decided to place Rory in the crib wide awake because we were feeling crazy brave. She fussed slightly and it took her awhile to get comfortable, but amazingly she fell asleep on her own within ten minutes. No rocking, no singing, no patting. Hold on....it gets better. She only woke up once that night! Once!

I was convinced that this was simply beginner's luck and we would not be so fortunate the next night, but for the past week, we have been able to put Rory down awake in her crib and she falls asleep on her own with minimal fussing. She has been waking up once a night between 1-3 for a feed and then sleeps again until 6-6:30 every morning. I feel like a new person!

Although nights have been amazing, the suit's magical powers seem to be restricted to night time. Rory is still a victim of the 45 minute nap intruder, despite wearing the suit during the day. Every once in a while we'll get a 1.5-2 hour nap, but these are rare. I'm trying to be patient and I'm praying that she'll consolidate her daytime sleep soon, but for now, I'm grateful for more nighttime sleep. My only complaint is that the puffy sleeves make it difficult for Rory to put her thumb/fingers in her mouth.

So, would I recommend the Merlin Magic Sleepsuit? Absolutely. Rory's night wakings have decreased and she has transitioned out of her swaddle successfully. If you're on the fence about spending another $40 on a sleep aid, look on craigslist or Ebay for a cheaper used version.

Thoughts That Cross My Mind When I Put Rory Down for a Nap

Are you even tired?

Did I miss the sleep window?

Please don't cry.

The Baby Whisperer is full of shit.

When's the last time I washed my hair? Or this sweatshirt?

Maybe she's hungry.

Oh! Her eyes are clos-....nevermind.

I need coffee.

Soon she'll be too big to rock in my arms.

Maybe my singing is making her cry. 

How do people have more than one of these?

Should I let her cry it out? 
Yeah, like that's going to happen.

I should call my mom and tell her "thank you". 

Eyes are closed!...Now for the transfer.

Why do we never appreciate naps when we have time for them?

Yes! Successful transfer! 

She's so cute when she's sleeping. 

See you in 30 minutes.

Seriously?! Who the eff mows their yard at 8:30 in the morning? 

To Sleep: A Love Letter

Dear Sleep,

I promise if you come back to me, I will no longer take you for granted. I will cherish every precious minute I spend with you. I will no longer ignore you or put off our time together. You have been so distant for the past few months. We used to spend all night together and even some afternoons, but now you seem content to waste the day away with Marli. Your teasing is cruel. Every night you come to me quickly, but are gone by 2:30 in the morning-right when I need you most.

Is there anything I can do to make you come back to me? I admit that as a small child, and then again as a college student, I didn't think I needed you. I scoffed at your efforts and rejected your advances. I'm ashamed to say that in recent years, iced Coffee, cherry vodka sours, and episode after episode of Breaking Bad quickly replaced you. But I promise I have seen the error of my ways. I realize now that I am nothing without you.  I would do anything to spend just one night with you. People say it will be at least another year before you're ready to come back to me, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please reconsider; I promise you won't regret it.

Sincerely,
Sleep-Deprived Mama

PS: If you won't come back to me, would you at least consider spending time with Rory from about 9-11 and 1-3 everyday?

Why I Opened a Package of Cookies in the Bathroom

Well readers, (all 2 of you), the day I've been dreading has finally arrived. The day when Rory no longer sleeps anywhere at anytime. Gone are the days when we can bring her along to watch the Broncos play at a bar and just tuck her under the table as she sleeps soundly in her carseat. Gone are the days when I can reply "yes" to any social engagement without having to think about Rory's feeding and napping schedule. Coffee date at 2 in the afternoon? Sure! As long as it happens to fall in between Rory's 5 forty minute catnaps that she's so keen on taking.

Four months has not been very fun so far. It began with the 4 month sleep regression. (Again, why didn't anyone warn me about this??) Oh, you've never heard of it either? Google it and try not to cry. After months of sleeping a 6-8 hour stretch, Rory was up every few hours for almost a week. We thought maybe her bassinet was getting too small for her, so we moved her into her crib. Apparently, this was not the problem. On the bright side, she is now sleeping in her nursery, so Marcos and I are able to speak with actual words rather than hand gestures before we go to bed at night.

Days haven't been much better. I decided that Rory should no longer be sleeping on me and should instead nap in her crib. Nap training is so much harder than I thought it would be. The first day I simply placed her in her crib and closed the door. As I crept out of her room, I excitedly thought of all the things I was going to do around the house while she slept soundly for the next two hours. I barely made it down the stairs before she started screaming.

Since that day, I've been obsessively reading about infant sleep patterns and various sleep training methods. I even called Rory's pediatrician to ask her opinion. Her response? Let her cry it out. I tried that and lasted about 2 minutes. We're both just not ready for that at this point. (Although that could change in the next few months.) From all of my reading and advice seeking (I apologize to all of my friends with children who I harassed for sleep tips), I've discovered a few important points regarding baby sleep:

• The most helpful thing you can do is get your baby on a routine. I say routine instead of schedule because to me, a schedule implies specific times, and each day may not match up exactly with the previous one, but your routine/order of events should stay the same.
• If you put your baby to bed at the same time each night, he or she should wake up at the same time each morning (give or take), making it easier for you to plan feedings and naps. 
• A baby shouldn't be awake for more than 2 hours. This makes it very hard to leave the house. 
• Try to put your baby down awake but drowsy. This will help her learn to put herself to sleep. Also, if you put them in their crib when they're asleep, it's like going to sleep in your bed and waking up on the kitchen floor. A bit confusing. 
• Learning to self-soothe is a skill, much like crawling and walking. If you are always carrying your baby, she will never learn how to crawl. Similarly, if you always rock your baby to sleep, she will never learn how to put herself to sleep.
• Some babies are just short nappers. At 4 months, several short naps is pretty normal, and hopefully they will learn to consolidate their sleep in the upcoming weeks. 
• It's okay to let your baby cry a little. If you're constantly rushing into her room as soon as you hear her wake, she will miss out on valuable opportunities to learn to self-soothe. 
• No single method of sleep training works for all babies, or parents for that matter. Read up on various methods and pick and choose what works for you. 
• Keep a sleeping log. This will help you discover when your baby becomes tired, how often he or she is eating, and how long they are napping. It will also help you see progress and serve as a form of encouragement. 
• You must become aware of your baby's tired signals. These include eye rubbing, ear/hair pulling, decreased interaction and increased fussiness. 
• Make sure you're establishing sustainable sleep associations for you baby. If you constantly rock and sing your child to sleep, she will expect that every time she wakes up. This is why it's important to forego the feed-sleep association if possible, or your baby will have a difficult time falling asleep without eating, making for long nights and a difficult weaning process. 
• If you currently do a lot to help your child fall asleep, gradually remove each sleep association over a period of a few weeks. 

Just because I've become aware of these points, doesn't mean I always put them into practice. I've started a sleeping log about ten times, and each time I forget to use it consistently. We also don't put Rory down in her crib awake every time she goes to sleep, but this is my main goal because I believe that this is the most effective way to help her learn to sleep on her own.

I have read just about every sleep book out there, and "The No-Cry Nap Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley is by far my favorite. It just makes sense. My favorite baby sleep quote comes from this book:

"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents' enjoyment of their babies, its rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep."
-James McKenna

In other words, RELAX. Obviously it's important to get your baby on a schedule and make sure they're getting enough sleep, but not to the point where it's causing you anxiety. When I become frustrated or feel as though this phase will never end, I just think about how much I will miss being able to rock Rory to sleep when she no longer fits in my arms. That usually puts things in perspective for me. 

So by now you're probably wondering why I named this post what I did. Well, when your baby only naps for half an hour and you have a craving for Trader Joe's cookies that just won't go away, you do what you have to do.