Smart Girl

This commercial from Verizon has been getting a lot of air time lately, and as a mother of a girl, it's really encouraged me to think about the whole nature vs. nurture debate and my role in Rory's personalty development.  I studied child development and I've been around children enough to know that both nature and nurture contribute to one's personality and sense of self. But which plays the bigger role in personality development? Will Rory's future interests be a product of her innate tendencies and characteristics or a result of our reactions to certain behaviors throughout her formative years?  I personally believe that nature is the main contributor, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't think one's environment and life circumstances aren't major factors when it comes to temperament and personality. That means that everything I say and do has the potential to impact Rory's interests, self-esteem, and possibly even her future career. No wonder I have trouble sleeping. That's a lot of pressure.

There have been hundreds of studies done on this very topic, and almost all of them say the same thing: parents treat their daughters very differently than they treat their sons. We're all guilty of this. When people meet babies for the first time, they usually speak to girls in a much higher voice and use words like "beautiful" and "sweet" to describe the new baby, while boys are "handsome" and "strong". Girls wear skirted onesies that say "future cheerleader" and boys wear shirts that say "future athlete".

As a teacher I often caught myself asking boys to help with tasks involving carrying or lifting and reserved cleaning and organizing jobs for my girl students. My students entered kindergarten already aware of "boy colors" and "girl colors". God forbid if I ever gave one of my male students a pink anything. I once heard a five-year-old tell his classmates that if boys liked pink it meant that they were gay. But why can't boys wear pink and play with baby dolls without being made fun of by their peers? And why can't girls prefer Legos to Barbies and playing soccer to playing house? Perhaps if this were the case, we would have more males who want to be teachers or nurses and more females going into the engineering field.

Don't get me wrong, I see no problem in dressing girls in pink and putting bows in their hair. Rory already has more oversized, flowery headbands than I can count and I just ordered her a purple tutu. But I also plan on enrolling Rory in karate and soccer and buying her Legos and a toolset. I will encourage her to get dirty and look for worms after it rains.  If she decides that she prefers Hot Wheels and GI Joes to Barbies, I won't be worried or upset. And if God ever blesses me with a son, I won't blink an eye when he wants to wear my heels and try on his sister's dresses.

I can't control how the world sees gender. Once children go to school, they will be exposed to all kinds of stereotypes and gender bias, but I can control what I say and do. I never want Rory to think she can't do something because she's a girl. I want her to know that she can wear dresses and kick ass. I will support her whether she chooses to go into engineering or becomes a stay-at-home-mom. (We all know which of these is the more difficult career.) I plan on reminding her as often as possible that beauty fades, but kindness and intelligence last a lifetime. Fortunately, I have awhile before I really have to worry about any of this. But until then, the phrase "pretty girl" has been permanently replaced with "smart girl". As in, "Hey there smart girl. Let's go put on your purple tutu and play with some Legos."