11 Things I wish I had Known About Baby Sleep

I know, I know; enough with the sleep posts already. But now that we're in the thick of it, it's all I can think about. It's been about four weeks since we started "sleep-training", and even though I'm optimistic about the progress we've made, there are still several things I would have done differently. Here's a list of things I wish I had known from the beginning.

1. Every baby is different. 
I keep in touch with two women from my prenatal baby class and our babies are all months apart, so it's easy to compare when it comes to things like infant milestones and sleep habits. One baby has slept through the night pretty much since birth! I've realized that some babies are just born good sleepers while others need time to develop those sleep milestones. Maybe your baby is a short napper. Maybe your baby needs more/less sleep than the average baby. I've read several message boards written by moms of twins who have one baby that sleeps well and one that doesn't. How can babies with the exact same parents and exposed to the exact same sleep environments produce such different results? Because every baby is different, that's why.

2. No single technique is 100% effective.
I think I've read every sleep book there is. I quickly discovered that when I strictly followed a specific plan outlined in a specific book written by a specific author, Rory's sleep habits suffered rather than improved. I believe that's because I didn't allow myself to deviate from the plan, even if I knew certain aspects didn't work for me or my baby. I've had much more success with using strategies from various plans and piecing them together to create my own sleep training method. 


3. There will probably be (some) tears. 
In the beginning of this process, I would rush into Rory's nursery as soon as she made a peep. I thought that if I let her cry, it meant that I was a terrible parent and Rory would be emotionally scarred forever. I was determined to sleep train using only cry-free techniques, and for the most part we have, but I quickly realized that sometimes I had to let her cry. Often she will wake-up mid-nap, fuss for about 10 minutes and then go back to sleep. I know now that allowing Rory to cry while she attempts to put herself back to sleep doesn't make me a bad parent. I am simply providing her with an opportunity to practice self-soothing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Marcos and I agreed on a crying time-limit, and if she cries past this, we go in and get her.

4. It's 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
Some days Rory will nap for 1.5 hours without waking up, and the next day her longest nap is 30 minutes. This is why it's important to keep a sleep log. It allows you to see the forest through the trees and realize that you are making progress, even if some days it feels as though you're moving backwards. Yesterday I called Marcos crying because Rory only napped for 20 minutes two days in a row and I was exhausted and frustrated. Now, as I write this post, she's been napping for over an hour. Two steps forward, one step back.

5. It's all trial and error. 
I wish I had a minute of sleep for every time Marcos and I have tried something new in an attempt to extend Rory's naps. Maybe her cloth diapers are uncomfortable? Nope. Maybe her room is too hot? Nope again. Maybe her sound machine isn't loud enough? Nope, nope, nope. However, through trial and error we have discovered that she needs her room to be very dark and she does best when we put her sleep suit on her before reading her a book.

6. Some sleep milestones are developmental. 
This is one of my favorites because it takes some of the pressure off of me. Sometimes they just aren't ready to sleep through the night, self-soothe, or consolidate day sleep, no matter what you do or how much you push. It's like expecting a 2-month-old to walk. All you can do is give them plenty of opportunities to practice.

7. Every day is a chance to start over. 
I have to remind myself of this almost every single day. If Rory has three short naps and is cranky in between, I know that tomorrow she will wake up with a smile and we can try again.

8. Trust your instincts. 
I get angry just thinking about all the times I told my inner self to "shut-up" and instead followed the advice I had read in one of the baby sleep books, only to realize later on that I was right all along. No one knows your baby like you do. Even if all the books are telling you to do things one way, only you know if it's the right thing for you and your baby. If it feels wrong, it probably is.

9. Respect your baby's need for sleep.
Did I ever tell you about the time Marcos and I had to leave a dinner party before dinner was even served because Rory was so exhausted she was practically delirious? Babies need lots of sleep. It contributes to both their mental and physical development and serves the purpose of storing newly learned information in their brains. Like you, babies' bodies may be resting during sleep, but their brains are hard at work. If you want your baby to get the appropriate amount of sleep, you will most likely have to say "no" to things like running errands in the middle of the day or going to happy hour with your coworkers. One of my favorite things to do is watch Marcos play soccer, but I learned (the hard way) that I can't go to his games because I end up with an overtired baby. It's hard, but it's just one of the many sacrifices we make as parents. Plus, most nights Rory is in bed by 7, and that gives me plenty of time to run to the store or meet a friend for dinner.

10. Routine, routine, routine! 
A common thread I discovered in virtually every baby sleep book I read was the importance of establishing a sleep routine and putting baby down at the same time every night. If your baby goes to bed around the same time each night, she will most likely wake up around the same time each morning, making it much easier to develop a consistent nap routine. If you give your child a bath before bed each night, she will come to expect it and take it as a sign that bedtime is near. Children (and many adults) thrive on routine, and you benefit as well. If your child goes to bed at a different time every night or naps at a different time every afternoon, how can you possibly know what to expect or make any plans? Of course, there is an element of flexibility involved. Your baby doesn't have to wake up at the exact time to the minute every single day. Unfortunately, it often seems like just when you've established an effective routine, your baby starts teething or has a growth spurt, and everything changes once again.

11. If it's not a problem for you, then it's not a problem. 
So, your baby will only nap in a swing or the carseat? If it doesn't bother you, who cares? As long as your baby is getting enough sleep and you're okay with it, I wouldn't consider it a problem. Sometimes you just have to let things go.

My techy-husband set up a surveillance camera in Rory's room so we can watch her sleep from anywhere.