Three Things Thursday

1. My Bath Toy PSA

I decided it was about time to clean our bath toys about two months ago, so naturally I just got around to doing it yesterday. I sprayed down the toys with a vinegar/EO mixture and laid them out to dry, but when I went to collect them a few hours later, I noticed that the octopus was leaking some strange-looking residue. Upon closer inspection, I realized that the black flakes protruding from the hole (that sounds really gross) was black mold! I cut it open and saw this:

Nasty.

I did some reading, and apparently this is a common problem with bath toys that have holes, which makes sense. Water gets inside, and unless you're diligent about emptying each squirty toy after every bath, they're going to be constantly moist (ew), which is the perfect environment for mold and mildew. So, if you have any bath toys that squirt water, you should probably check them for mold. Rory loved her collection of squirty animals that Tio Paulo bought her when we visited him in San Francisco, but they are probably laying on the bottom of the sea now, where they belong. (I threw them away.) One of the blogs I read suggested hot gluing the holes closed before using the toys (ain't nobody got time for that), but instead I'll probably just give her some measuring cups and spoons to play with in the bath from now on.

2. Molars

Up until last week, I often bragged about the fact that Rory was a good teether. What does that even mean? It means that besides a little extra drool, I never knew she was getting a tooth until it actually appeared in her mouth. She was never fussy, and cutting teeth just didn't seem to bother her. Well, apparently molars are a different story. She's been crying out in the middle of the night, super clingy, and refusing to eat some foods because her mouth is so sore. A few days ago she looked at me, touched her cheek, and said, "ow!". I feel awful because there's really nothing I can do except try to distract her. (There have been a lot of "Shake it Off" dance parties lately. Like, more than usual.) And that's not even the worst part....we have 6 more molars to go.

Rory isn't sleeping well at night, apparently.

3. This is why we moved do Denver. 

Aren't people who take screenshots of the weather forecast so annoying?

That's right, we had two 70+ degree days this week. In January. Rory and I spent as much time as possible outside, because as you can see, it didn't last long. The weather here is so up and down that I don't even mind when it snows...I know it won't be long until we get some nicer weather. Although, I should probably mention that it snowed several inches on Mother's Day last year.

I love that she knows what it means to smile now. Makes picture-taking so much easier. 

Oriental

The following conversation occurred between me and a cashier at a local shop specializing in gently used clothing and furniture. *

Cashier: Your daughter is beautiful. What's her name?

Me: Thank you! This is Rory.

Rory (pointing to herself): "Ory."

Cashier (Ringing up Rory's new $6 REI down coat): Rory...that's interesting.

Me: Um, thanks. It's Irish.

Cashier: So, is she adopted or something?

Me: Uh, no. She just looks nothing like me. Her dad is Japanese.

Cashier: Oh, wow. You don't see very many mixed Oriental kids.

Me (grabbing my bag of "new to me" purchases): No, I guess you don't. And actually her dad is Brazilian.

Cashier: ...

Me: Nevermind. Have a good day.

My mixed Oriental kid making Brazilian brigadeiros. 

*Okay fine, we were at Goodwill. Again.

Why I'm Anal About Naptime

Yesterday I was painfully reminded of why I never go anywhere close to nap time. Rory recently transitioned to one nap a day, which means she sleeps from about 1230-200 on most afternoons. This makes planning our morning outings much easier, but also kind of tricky. If we happen to be driving anywhere after 11:30, it's pretty much a sure thing that she'll fall asleep in the car, and I've never been good at the car-crib transfer. 

It's our fault that Rory only naps well in her crib. At around 4 months it became apparent that she was out of the infant "I can sleep anywhere" phase. Sounds she used to be able to sleep through, like Marli barking or the washing machine running, began to wake her up. So, we started "sleep training", and she quickly became accustomed to a dark, quiet room, so now it's difficult for her to fall and stay asleep anywhere but her crib.

But yesterday I was feeling brave and decided to go to Costco after meeting a friend for coffee. Sure enough, Rory fell asleep on the way. Luckily she's still small enough to be in the infant carseat, so I was able to just put her into the shopping cart asleep, and I thought I was going to make it out of the store with a sleeping baby, but she woke up as soon as I started piling my things onto the conveyor belt. I tried putting her down again once we got home, but she was convinced that a 43 minute nap was all she needed for the day....which brings me to my point. (Finally.)

Forty-three minutes. From 6:30 am yesterday morning to 7:30 pm last night, I got exactly 43 minutes of peace and quiet. (Although dodging other carts in Costco while trying not to wake a sleeping baby is really anything but relaxing.) Forty-three minutes in thirteen hours. A mere three quarters of an hour that I didn't have to sing "The Wheels on the Bus", or pretend to be fascinated by yet another dead leaf, or calm a screaming toddler who is convinced I am hiding bananas in the pantry when really she ate the last one for breakfast.

And yes, I realize that these things are all in my job description as a stay-at-home-mom, and yes, I realize how fortunate I am to stay home with my daughter, but I want you to think for a minute about people who go to work in offices everyday. I believe an hour for a lunch break is standard. Well, that's 17 more minutes than I got yesterday. And then there's the commute to work. Assuming it's child free, do you know how much I would love a 30 minute solo commute to work everyday? That would mean 60 whole minutes of listening to whatever radio station I wanted. One hour I wouldn't have to hear Rory scream "Mama!" over and over again just for fun. I would give my right arm for one hour of mindless driving everyday. To better help those of you who are not mothers understand my point, imagine that your lunch break was suddenly taken away. Or better yet, imagine that you still had a lunch break, but you had to eat in a preschool classroom next to a child who wants to try everything you're eating, and then promptly spits it out. Back onto your plate. That's what it's like to be a SAHM with a kid who misses her nap.

Instead of a lunch break or a commute, moms get nap time. I believe that I speak for all moms when I say that we live and breath for nap time. Nap time is sacred. It is often the only break we get all day. It is when I check my email, browse Pinterest, eat lunch, do laundry, or watch crappy daytime TV. It is when I schedule doctor's appointments, clean the bathroom, and pay pills. Without nap time, my house would be disgusting, no one would have anything to wear, and I wouldn't know what Mila and Ashton named their baby.

So, please don't look at me like I'm a lunatic when I tell you that we can't meet you for lunch at noon because of Rory's nap schedule. And don't make me feel crazy for putting a sign on my door asking people not to ring the doorbell. Unless, of course, you want to come to my house and spend time with my daughter on a day when she has missed her nap. Once you're here, I'll be sure to take my hour lunch break.

A List of Things I Would Never Know if I Didn't Have a 14-Month-Old

1. A "sensory table" is really just another place to put your trash.

2. That I would ever consider this a masterpiece.

3. Minutes can seem like hours, but months can seem like days.

4. Sometimes you just need to dance. At the grocery store. In the cereal aisle. (Beyonce gets me every time, too.)

5. Hearing your child say "mama" can be both the sweetest and the most annoying sound in the world.

6. Unrolling a toilet paper roll is clearly more exciting than a room full of toys.

7. Never say the word "banana" after you've brushed your baby's teeth.

8. Choosing a few pictures from the past year to print and frame turns into a two hour event. Complete with laughter and tears.

9. It is possible (although perhaps not normal) for a 14-month-old to become infatuated with goats and gorillas. Thank God for youtube.

10. Zucchini and carrots belong on the floor.

She ate the berries, though. 

On Discipline

How is it possible that I'm already writing a blog post on discipline? Rory just turned 14 months old, and I'm already struggling with the idea of age-appropriate discipline. She's engaging in completely normal toddler behaviors: telling me "no", doing the exact thing I tell her not to, taking toys from other children, and throwing the occasional fit when she's tired/unhappy. I realize that at this age the best offense is a good defense (enough with the sport analogies!), meaning prevention is key. I don't take her anywhere within an hour of her naptime/bedtime, and I redirect when I notice her engaging in a potentially dangerous or inappropriate activity. But I know there will be times when this isn't possible, and so the time has come for Marcos and I to decide on a parenting/discipline philosophy that we feel good about. I checked out a few discipline books from the library, including Love and Logic and Positive Discipline, and just like all of the research I did concerning sleep training, I am taking bits and pieces from each philosophy and forming my own discipline style that meshes with our values and lifestyle.

One things is for certain: I will not spank or use any other form of physical punishment. I understand that some parents feel as though this is an effective form of discipline, and maybe it works for them, but I believe that the ultimate goal of any form of discipline is to promote self-control and build self-confidence so that children will grow up to make good choices and become productive members of society. The purpose of discipline is to teach, not to punish. I don't understand how hitting a child really teaches them a valuable lesson, other than you are someone who should be feared rather than respected. And hitting a child for hurting someone is the ultimate form of hypocrisy and really only communicates to your child that you've lost control and don't know how to handle the situation. I would be lying if I said that I didn't judge parents who spank just a little. 

Okay, we get it, you don't agree with spanking. So then how do you plan on disciplining your child? 

Yeah, I'm not entirely sure yet. 

Based on my reading and my experience working with young children, I know that effective discipline must be based on mutual respect. The old adage is true: You must give respect to get respect. You respect your friends and your coworkers and the checkout lady at the grocery store...why wouldn't you respect your own child? Respect means being honest and kind and empathetic. Respect doesn't mean rolling your eyes, tricking your child, or saying, "because I said so". All of this may sound obvious, but when you're frustrated and angry, using kind words can be a struggle. 

I believe in respect, but I also believe in tough love and boundaries. I think that you're doing your child a great disservice if you refuse to establish rules or execute consequences. Love and Logic is a great resource for "natural consequences". These are consequences that occur naturally as a result of a specific choice or behavior. If a child refuses to eat the dinner you made, allow them to go to bed hungry. They will naturally learn on their own that they must eat what you make or they will feel hungry and uncomfortable. (I don't sending a child to bed without dinner is in any way abusive because the child made the choice not to eat.) If a child cannot get ready for school in time, pack their clothes in a bag and put them in the car in their pajamas. Again, they will learn quickly that when you say "five more minutes", you mean it. For younger children, if they continue to hit the dog with a toy, you take the toy away.And the best part of instituting natural consequences is that it takes the thinking out of it for parents. You don't have to brainstorm creative punishments or resort to yelling. 

Of course, there are instances when natural consequences just won't work, and this is when things get tricky. What do I do when Rory runs out into the street after I've told her not to? The natural consequence for this behavior is not one I'm willing to let happen. Children are unpredictable, therefore it's pretty much impossible to be 100 percent prepared for every parenting situation you will find yourself in for the next 18 plus years. (Of course, there are some givens: drawing on the walls, climbing on furniture, burping at the dinner table...) I think the trick is to spend time thinking about what kind of parent you want to be and what kind of adults you want your children to become. Parenting and disciplining is like anything else...it takes a lot of practice to become an expert. Fortunately, children are very forgiving, if not forgetful.

Here are some points I think are important when it comes to disciplining:

• Speak in a calm voice. Children tend to tune out yelling and become defensive when their parents raise their voices. A calm voice communicates to your child that you have your emotions under control. (Even if you're fuming inside.

• Use timeout as an opportunity to reflect and gain control (for both parent and child) rather than a punishment. Ask your child: Would you like to take a break in your room?

• Provide children with opportunities to be in control as often as possible. Love and Logic is big on this concept. The theory behind it is that if children feel as though they are able to make choices, they won't resist being told what to do. (Choices can be as basic as: Would you like to wear the red shirt or the green? Would you like to go to bed now or in five minutes?)

• Don't make empty threats. How many of us remember our parents saying "If you don't stop fighting, I'm going to turn this car around!"? Did it ever happen? Of course not. And we knew it wouldn't. Instead, you can say something like, "I don't bring fighting children to the playground." This is something you can easily follow through with. 

• Make sure your discipline techniques are developmentally appropriate. You can't expect a 15 month old to clean up her toys without some help and guidance. (But you can certainly start practicing this skill as early as possible.) Rory still puts everything in her mouth, and it drives me crazy, but I understand that at her age it's how she learns about the world.

• Be prepared for your routine to be disrupted, especially in the beginning. Children will test you; it's both normal and healthy for them to do so. In fact, in the beginning stages of establishing your discipline routine, you almost want them to misbehave so that you can show them you mean business. If you go to the pool and they continue to run when you've told them they must walk, pack up and leave, even if you've only been there for five minutes. 

• It's okay to delay consequences. If you're not sure how to handle a situation or you're too angry to do it effectively and appropriately, tell your child that there will be a consequence and you'll discuss it later. 

• Involve your children in their own consequences. (This is another Love and Logic concept.) If you're child draws on the wall, you may say something like, "Oh no. Crayons are for paper only. How are you going to solve this problem?" If the child doesn't suggest something, you may say, "Would you like an idea? Mommy has a sponge and spray that can be used to clean it. I'll show you where it is." This communicate to children that they are smart enough to solve their own problems. 

• Shower your children with love, praise, and affection. Kids need to be touched and told how wonderful they are. Don't dish out praise for anything and everything, and use specific praise whenever possible, but if they did something well or you're proud of them, let them know. And I've never heard a parent say, "I wish I had hugged my children a little less."

It's hard to believe that this cutie could ever do anything wrong...

A Few of Our Favorite Things

Rory's Picks

1. Freshly Picked Moccasins

I've been obsessed with these mocs ever since I saw the owner on Shark Tank last year, but I couldn't bring myself to spend the $60, especially since baby feet grow so quickly. Fortunately for me, I have a very generous friend (thanks, Lu!) who bought Rory a pair during one of their flash sales. They're all leather, super soft, durable, and best of all...made in the USA! Rory often complains about wearing shoes, but she doesn't seem to mind wearing these. They're so soft and stretchy, I don't even think she realizes she has them on. There are loads of colors and sizes to choose from...Rory also has a pair of Freshly Picked pineapple mocs that I can't wait for her to fit into. If you follow the company on Instagram, you'll be notified of their flash sales, which make them slightly more affordable.

Freshly Picked Moccasins in blush.

2. Sensory Table

Ever since we came home from Mexico, I've been wanting to build Rory a sand table. She really enjoyed playing in the sand in Mexico, and as a teacher, I know how beneficial sensory play is. So last week, I dragged Rory to Home Depot where Nick in the lumber department helped me choose the right wood and then cut each piece to size so that all Marcos had to do was drill the pieces into place. It turned out great, but unfortunately, it's too cold to fill with sand and put outside. Luckily we had some extra pasta in the house that Rory seems to think is just as entertaining. During the winter months I plan to fill the bin with things like corn, cotton balls, rice, and anything else that I happen to find on Pinterest.

She's not quite tall enough to reach it on her own. 

Cheap entertainment at its finest.

3. Saying "No"
I'm sure everyone but Rory would agree that this one is self-explanatory.


Lindsey's Picks

1. livesimply.com

This blog is like porn for hippes, y'all. I mean, this woman makes her own (all-natural) hand sanitizer and laundry detergent, for crying out loud. (I've already ordered the ingredients for both.) I also like her approach to meal planning using whole foods, and she has lots of ideas for homemade gifts. (I apologize in advance to whoever is at the receiving end of my attempt at these homemade gifts.) Her posts are funny, reader-friendly, and full of gorgeous photographs. I'm most excited to try the homemade apple pop-tarts and all natural sunscreen.

Homemade Sunscreen: How hard can it be?

2. Chick-Fil-A Fridays

I have a confession to make: I eat fast food. As much as I pride myself in eating whole, unprocessed foods, I cannot resist Chick-Fil-A. Maybe it's the waffle fries or the combination of honey mustard sauce and delicious chicken, but I'm pretty sure a chicken nugget meal from Chick-Fil-A is what heaven tastes like.  I'm not sure when or why it started, but for a few months now, Marcos and I have deemed Fridays Chick-Fil-A night. I was a vegetarian for five years, so maybe I'm just making up for lost time. As soon as Rory is down, Marcos goes through the CFA drive through, and upon his return, we feast on trans fats and wash it down with carbonated poison. It's really the only time throughout the week that I allow myself to eat anything processed or fried, so I don't even feel that badly about it. I swear. I don't.

If you insist.

3. Homemade Tortillas
I hate that the tortillas from the grocery store are full of ingredients I can't pronounce and definitely don't sound like anything I should be ingesting. Yesterday I had a craving for black bean enchiladas, but I didn't have the time or energy to run to Whole Foods to buy the all-natural tortillas, so I decided to make my own. It was one of the easiest things I've done, and they tasted amazing. They had exactly four ingredients: flour, water, baking powder, and oil. (One of the reviewers even said that it's possible to omit the oil.) Rory had fun "helping" me with the dough, and she was a big fan of the finished product, too. Here is the link to the recipe I used. I'll probably double it next time and freeze some.

Cheese! 

I'm wearing pajama bottoms, too. Don't judge me.

Flour-faced.

30 Things Rory Should Know About Me: Part 10 and 11

#10. Describe Your Most Embarrassing Moment

Rory,

When mommy was in college (after I turned 21), I liked to go out with my friends and have too many a few drinks. Sometimes I thought my Irish ancestry made me invincible to the effects of alcohol, and I would drink too much. On one of these occasions, your Aunt Katie and I had the brilliant idea to drink cheap tequila before we went out to the bars...where we continued to drink cheap tequila and vodka and rum. The night ended with your aunt Katie passed out under a truck and with Mommy in handcuffs. It was very embarrassing and we are lucky that no one was hurt or arrested. Maybe one day I will fill you in on the details (what I can remember, at least), but for now, that's all you need to know. The moral of this story is obviously that tequila is never a good idea. Remember that.

Out with Aunt Shannon and Aunt Katie during our junior year of college.

#11. Describe 10 Pet Peeves You Have

Seriously? Only 10?

1. When people bite the bottom of their ice cream cone and suck the ice cream from the bottom. (Why?!)

2. When I let someone over and they don't wave.

3. When people don't buy off the registry.

4. Popped collars.

5. Facebook game invites.

6. People who use the express lane at the grocery store when they clearly have over 15 items.

7. People who don't share their baby names.

8. People who ask if you're "for sale" when we're out shopping. (You'd be surprised at how often this happens. Granted, we're usually at Goodwill, but still.)

9. The gym in January.

10. Chain emails.