Gratitude

I don't do New Years Resolutions, because let's face it, they're made to be broken. But, I do like to make several long and short term goals each year to help me focus my self-improvement efforts. It doesn't always work ("be more patient" has been one of my goals since 2008), but writing down (or blogging about) my goals seems to give birth to an inner voice that's impossible to ignore. (i.e. "Do you know how much sugar is in that?", "You checked facebook less than ten minutes ago", and "Sweatpants again?") Although the usual suspects made my list again this year (eat less carbs, learn Portuguese, take more pictures), I added another one that I'm actively working towards each and every day: gratitude.

I'll admit that I'm a complainer by nature. Being the youngest of six will do that to you. My husband will be the first to tell you that I tend to get worked up about ridiculous minor things. An incident involving pho comes to mind. (But seriously, how do you forget to put tofu in vegetarian pho?!)

The older I become, the more I realize how fortunate I am. I have my health, supportive family and friends, a nice house in a wonderful neighborhood, and most importantly, a beautiful, healthy daughter that I am able to stay home with. So then why is it so hard to be thankful for the wonderful things in my life? Why am I constantly thinking about the things I don't have?

Rather than be thankful for the fact that we are homeowners in a wonderful area of Denver, I worry that our house isn't big enough. And instead of feeling grateful that I have a healthy baby girl sleeping in the room next to mine, I feel frustrated that she isn't sleeping through the night yet. I know I am very fortunate, yet I have to constantly remind myself to live in the moment appreciate what I have. So many people in this world have far less than I do and have faced far greater obstacles. I've read many stories about people who are grateful (grateful!) that they were diagnosed with cancer or some other life-threatening disease because it made them appreciate the beauty in everyday things. That's great, but I don't want to be on my death bed before I realize how wonderful life really is.

So, I've decided to make a conscious effort to change my way of thinking. I haven't gone as far as to start a gratitude journal (I don't want to set myself up for failure), but as soon as I catch myself complaining about something, anything, (the wait at the post office, a short nap, too much laundry), I try to immediately turn it into something positive.

So, "It's only 1:00? This has been the longest day ever," turns into "I'm so glad I get to stay home with my daughter instead of dropping her off at daycare."

And "Do you really need to eat at 2:00 in the morning?" turns into "One day soon you will be too big to rock in my arms, so I am going to savor every minute I have with you."

And "Ugh there's nothing to eat," turns into "String cheese and a banana....mmmmm."

And "Marcos' parents will be here for ten whole days" turns into "...."

Okay, so sometimes it's a struggle, but the more I do it, the easier it becomes. Rory is the main motivation behind this positive undertaking. I want her to grow up seeing the good in every situation. I want her to realize that she is lucky for so many reasons. And most importantly, I want her to think of others less fortunate than herself. I realize that in order for her to grow up with a sense of gratitude, I must model it on a daily basis. Children learn by example, and I definitely don't want her to be that kid. You know the one. The kid that complains her cookie isn't big enough or cries because she has to wait in line at Disney World. The kid you want to punch in the face.

So, even though expressing gratitude is something I struggle with, I don't want to pass this struggle on to Rory. So, I will continue to practice living in the moment and performing acts of gratitude in hopes that my daughter will learn to do the same. One thing's for certain, no matter how miserable I feel or how bad a day I've had, there is always something for which I will be eternally grateful. And that something is fast asleep upstairs in her crib.