A Year

12 months. 365 days. 8765 hours. It's easy to define your existence in calendar terms, but it's almost impossible to put into words how much my life changed when yours began.

It wasn't long ago that you were merely a thought- a piece of the puzzle that was my future. A "someday". Then you turned into a plan, and a few months later a bean-shaped thing with a heartbeat. Now you are almost too heavy to rock to sleep. You point and laugh and push me away when I try to kiss your forehead. Somewhere between waking up three times a night and putting locks on all the cabinet doors, you grew up.

Of course, I still have many years left of being your mom, but you are a baby no longer. There is nothing like the first year full of firsts. You will get bigger and smarter and need me less. You will fall asleep on your own, walk to school, and roll your eyes when I remind you to wear sunblock. You will turn into the child, then the teenager, and finally the adult I always hoped you would be. My heart will swell with pride at who you've become,but also clench with sadness, because I will remember when you needed me. When you tugged on my leg, reached for me, and said "up, mama".

I want to freeze time and drink in every little thing about you at this very moment. The way your hair smells after a bath.The way you kick your legs in excitement when I strap you into your tricycle. The way your eye lids flutter when you've just fallen asleep. The way you examine every little leaf at the park. The sound of your voice. There will come a day when I will struggle to remember the way you crinkle up your nose when you smile, or the squeal you make when you hear the garage door open at 5:00. Soon there will be math homework and soccer practice and prom. Soon we will be too busy to remember the little things. The important things.

I wish you could understand how grateful I am for this past year. You've given us more joy than we've ever thought possible. You've helped me realize things about myself I never would have discovered otherwise and you've motivated me to grow and change. I knew becoming a mom would change my life forever, but I didn't realize to what extent. My entire definition of love changed the day you were born, and it's not one I can even attempt to put into words. You will forever be a part of me, and I am a part of you. This is what it means to be a parent- to have a piece of you that's separate from you. To have a walking, talking piece of your heart living outside of you.

I am looking forward to watching you grow and change in the next year. If this first year taught me anything, it's to live in the moment and enjoy the little things, because in the end, the little things end up being the big things. Everyday that I get to be your mom is the best day of my life. Thank you for the best 12 months, 365 days, and 8765 hours.

For me?

You were sick for the first time this month. You had a fever for three days straight. I sent this picture to daddy when you finally showed signs of improving.

Goofing off at the park. 

You love when daddy pushes you around in the laundry basket. 

Waving to random strangers at the airport before our trip to Dallas. 

You, me, and your great-grandpa, "Boppa". Thanks to Auntie Whitney, you learned how to say "Boppa" during our trip to Dallas.

Walking around outside of Auntie Mary's apartment in Dallas. You were introduced to fire ants on this walk.

Me, you, and Auntie Katie. 

You finally got to meet Olivia, the daughter of mommy's best friend from college.

Your grandparents brought you this outfit from Brazil. It finally fits, and it brought Sao Paulo good luck- they won the day you wore it. 

Before trick-or-treating. You were the only cutest pumpkin on the block.

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