Screw You, Wonder Week 55!

I'm If you're wondering why I haven't posted much in the last week, I present to you exhibit A:



Rory is about one week away from her first birthday, which means she is in the midst of her fussy period before her next developmental leap, occurring around week 55. I've posted about The Wonder Weeks before and how helpful it is when Rory seems to be regressing or extremely fussy because it helps me realize that there is a biological reason behind the craziness. Whenever I notice her exhibiting the three C's: crying, clinging, and crankiness, I do a quick google search, and without fail, she is in the middle of one of the fussy, "stormy" periods that signal the next big mental leap. There have been a few fussy periods that have made me want to pull her my hair out, but nothing like this one. It makes sense that this is the worst one. It is signaling the end of the baby stage and the beginning of the toddler one. She is beginning to walk, talk, and really notice how things work. Her brain is hard at work. But even though I know there's a logical reason for the way she's acting, I still want to curl up into a ball and sleep until this fussy period is over.

My mellow, good-natured baby has turned into a crying, clinging mess. She wakes up crying, goes to bed crying, and often sobs in between bites at meal times. (This is not an exaggeration.) She needs to be entertained and distracted constantly, and even when we're in the middle of a very engaging game of stack the blocks or throw the puzzle pieces, she randomly bursts into tears and throws her arms around my neck. It's all very Britney Spears circa 2007. (Minus the shaved head.)

In case that analogy didn't quite paint a picture for you, this morning, the only thing that made her happy content not cry was holding her dirty diaper.* I'm not kidding. She insisted on sitting in front of the TV and just holding her soiled diaper. And not even throwing it or trying to unsnap it...just holding it. I know, it's beyond ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as the fact that I LET HER. After my first attempt of prying the diaper out of her hands resulted in her throwing herself on the floor and writhing around like she was being exorcised, I let it go. The phrase "choose your battles" has a whole new meaning for me.

I feel like I have a small insight into the world of an abused housewife. Marcos and I have been walking around on eggshells these past few days. Any little thing can set her off and there's absolutely no warning. Yesterday I actually tiptoed behind her to go upstairs and brush my teeth once she was finally occupied with her board books. When I reached about the fourth step, it occurred to me that I'm terrified of my daughter. (Also, our stairs are squeaky.) On Saturday she threw a book in my face, but then became irrationally angry when I began to read it. I put it down and she cried harder. And then...out of nowhere she started laughing this deep belly laugh. It was psychotic.

The only thing keeping me going is knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and once she's made it through this fussy period, I will be rewarded with a smarter, happier baby.

The 8th mental leap is known as the "World of Programs" this means that babies are beginning to understand activities that depend on what just happened, rather than patterns that repeat predictably. (Like the 7th mental leap, "World of Sequences".) This is definitely Rory right now. Her new favorite activity is dropping things down the stairs and watching them fall. She loves watching me do things around the house and has begun mimicking everything, from putting on my shoes to cleaning the floor with the dish towel.

According to "The Wonder Weeks" by Rijt and Plooij ...

Signs of week 55 include: 

Spontaneous temper tantrums (Check)

Needs to be entertained more often (Check)

Cries more, and is cranky, moody, and grumpy (Triple check)

Loss of appetite (The only thing this kid will eat are veggie sticks. And don't let the name fool you, these things have zero nutritional value.)

Difficulty sleeping
May reach for a comfort object more often
Baby may be more mischievous (She threw my shoe down the stairs yesterday, so I gave her my best stern look and told her "no". She laughed in my face.)

New abilities after the leap include: 

Comes to you with jacket because he wants to go out

Tries to dress herself

Pretends to bathe a doll or drive a car

(I understand her mind as at work and is making important connections, but that seems like a lot of crap to go through just for her to attempt putting on her own pants. Just saying.)

So, if you were wondering why I haven't been posting, or if you see my picture on a missing persons poster, you know why.

*It was just wet. 

30 Things Rory Should Know About Me: Part 9

List ten people who have influenced/inspired you.

Rory,

Narrowing this list down to ten people is pretty much impossible. So many people have influenced me...from my kindergarten teacher to the president of the United States. (Let me be clear...I'm talking about Bush, not Obama.) Some of these people I've never met, some I've known my whole life, and some I knew for only a short time. But the one thing that all of these people have in common is that they possess qualities that I admire. They are hard-working, selfless, courageous people. There are the usual suspects, like my parents (Yes, your grandparents influenced me, how could they not? They practically raised me), my college professors, and Kate Middleton. (She makes me want to dress better. And speak with a British accent.)

But mostly, my influence comes from everyday people with extraordinary strength, devotion, and dedication. Qualities that I hope to pass onto you. To me, there is nothing more inspiring and influential than someone who devotes their life to a cause that they truly believe in. I don't have to agree with the cause to find that kind of dedication admirable. Selflessness is something I struggle with, so I truly admire those who put others before themselves.

Hard work is another character trait I admire. I love hearing stories about people who overcome unbelievable odds to accomplish their goals, like marathon runners who were told they would never walk or a Harvard graduate who grew up on the streets. People who use setback and rejection as motivation serve as the best role models.

I'm all about cheering for the underdog (unless the underdog happens to be the Dallas Cowboys), and I love all sports movies, even though the plot is always the same: A rag tag team who no one believes in ends up winning the gold medal/super bowl/world series/little league championship with the help of an inspirational coach and some old fashioned hard work. Gets me every time. (If you've never seen Cool Runnings, Miracle on Ice, or The Mighty Ducks, stop reading this right now and go binge watch all three.) These stories don't make me want to train for the Olympics (I mean, seriously, have you seen me throw a ball?), they just inspire me to work hard and help me realize that nothing is impossible.

Okay, okay, get to the list, already.

1. Soldiers, Fire Fighters, Police Officers, etc.
I greatly admire anyone who has ever served in any branch of our military. There is nothing more selfless than sacrificing your life for the freedom/safety of others. I feel so strongly about this that if your school doesn't make Veteran's Day a holiday, you will be staying home that day in honor of the men and women who have died for our country.

2. Anyone who has worked hard to achieve their dreams. 
I know this includes a lot of people, but I can't narrow it down to a few specific names, because I have been influenced by so many stories of single parents, immigrants, and people born with disabilities and financial hardships who overcame obstacles and persevered. Rory, never ever underestimate the power of hard work.

3. Those who stand up for what they believe in.
There are lots of examples of this: People who defied their parents/religion/culture to do what they believed to be the right thing. It happens everyday, from teenagers standing up to bullying, to citizens of war torn countries risking their lives to protect the rights of others. Not everyone can change the world, but I admire those who strive to make a difference in even just one person's life.

4. Parents
Except for the few awful parents out there, I admire anyone who has raised a child, especially those who do it alone. I realize now how difficult it is to bring a child into this world and mold them into productive members of society. Being a parent means you are always putting someone else before yourself- it is the ultimate act of selflessness. To say that you would die for someone and actually mean it, well, that's pretty admirable.

5. Teachers
Maybe I only feel this way because I was a teacher, but no one works harder than them. Teachers spend hours upon hours planning, grading, and worrying about the well-being of their students. They get paid next to nothing, but they love what they do. It's been said that the difference between resilient and non-resilient children is having one person who believes in them, and most of the time that one person was a teacher. A teacher's main job is to relay information, but they also inspire, encourage, and challenge. I hope that you have teachers who you will remember long after you leave their classrooms.

6. People who take action
Anyone can talk about the injustices of the world, but it takes a bigger person to actually do something about it. Starting a non-profit, donating time and money, or traveling to impoverished countries to help others with less resources are all actions that can be taken to help others. I am amazed when I hear about people who dedicate their entire lives to help others or champion a cause. Take Jane Goodall, for example. If she had chosen to simply complain about our lack of knowledge and treatment of the chimps over biscuits and tea (she's British), we wouldn't have the information or conservation efforts we have today.

7. People who have treated me badly
People can either have a positive influence on you, or a negative one. Unfortunately, there will be people in your life who treat you badly and make you question your beliefs, but it is up to you to turn negative experiences into important life lessons. Going through some of the hardest times in my life have helped me realize how important it is to treat others with kindness and respect. I have realized what kind of person I don't want to be, and more importantly, what kind of person I don't want to raise you to become. Every experience and every relationship, whether it be good or bad, has the potential to help you grow.

8. Positive People 
I am very much a cynic realist, so I truly admire people who see the glass as half full and turn awful situations into positive experiences. People who view terminal illness, physical handicaps, or tragic events as an opportunity to make a positive impact on the world definitely have my respect and admiration.

9. George W. Bush
I mean, come on....

10. You
Rory, you more than anyone, have influenced and inspired me. I pray everyday that I can be someone you admire and look up to. I hope to be an example of kindness, courage, and perseverance.You make me want to be a better person and make the world a better place. And I hope that one day when asked who has inspired you, I am the first person who comes to mind.

I think I included 99.9% of the world population in the list above, so if I didn't mention you by name, don't worry, I'm pretty sure you fit into one of these categories.

Parenthood: The Definition of Teamwork

I've never been a fan of anything requiring a group effort. I never played any team sports (or any sports for that matter) and I definitely wasn't a member of Girl Scouts or any other type of group organization. I was involved in academic competitions, but only individual ones. I was the kid in school who groaned every time a teacher assigned a group project. It's not that I'm antisocial or I couldn't get along with my peers, it's just that I always ended up doing all of the work. But not because my fellow group members didn't want to help, it's just that my 16 year-old self was convinced that nobody could do the work as well as she could. So, I would assign the cheerleader/goth/jock the task of making the poster with bubble letters while I did all of the actual research and report-writing.

This "I can do it all on my own" mentality lasted approximately 28 years...or until November 7th, 2013, the day Rory was born. Marcos and I attended twelve weeks of Bradley Method classes to prepare for Rory's birth. The Bradley Method is also referred to as husband-coached child birth, but I secretly openly laughed at this phrase. Men have no idea what childbirth is like, and even though this is no fault of their own, that's like asking someone who's never played football to coach the Broncos. And I'm sorry, but the last thing I want when I'm in pain and trying to push a small human out of my vagina is for my husband (the one who got me into this situation in the first place) whispering words of encouragement in my ear or rubbing my back in between contractions. Don't talk to me, and definitely don't touch me. Fortunately, Marcos understood his role in husband-coached child birth: stay at least two feet away from me and don't say a word. I have to say, he played the part brilliantly. Honestly, I wish we still lived in the era when the men would stay in the waiting room smoking cigars and then a few hours (or God forbid, days) a baby would magically appear.

So, up until the second that Rory was actually born, I held  on to the belief that I could do everything myself. But after giving birth, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I could barely walk, let alone care for a newborn on my own. I realized quickly that accepting help was imperative for both Rory and my's survival. When Marcos offered to change Rory's diaper or give her a bottle so that I could have a break, I was more than happy to hand her over. Over the next few weeks, it dawned on me that parenthood is the very definition of team work. To keep the football metaphor going, every day is spent passing the football (Rory) back and forth and analyzing the playbook to determine the best play for every situation.

You hold her while I eat, and then we'll switch. 

I'll put her down for her nap while you do laundry.

Would you rather do the dishes or give her a bath?

I'll hold her legs while you distract her so the doctor can give her the shot. 

I'll drink these three margaritas and you wake up with her at 5 am. 

And just like football players specialize in certain positions, each parent has his or her own strengths as well. I'm the only one who can cut Rory's nails, but Marcos can get her to eat every last bite of her dinner. Parenting is hard work, and not something that anyone should have to do alone. It's true that it takes a village to raise a child. Marcos isn't the only one who helps me on the field. (Okay, that one was a stretch, but I'm nothing if not consistent.) I have lots of teammates: my neighbors, friends, and that random guy who offered to hold Rory while I cleaned the grocery cart. Everyone has something to offer if you let them help.

It took me almost thirty years, but I'm glad that I finally realized that I can't do it all by myself. And I'm beyond grateful to have such great teammates by my side. I don't want to brag or anything, but I bet if we were a real football team we would win the World Series.

Things I Would Never Know if I Didn't Have An Almost-One-Year-Old

1. Babies and drunk sorority girls have the exact same walk.

2. Tomato sauce is pretty much impossible to get out of carpet.

3. The human body does not digest kiwi seeds.

4. Fake sneezes never stop being funny.

5. There is nothing more fun than taking books off the library shelf.

6. And there is nothing worse than the nursery at Southridge Rec Center.

7. The Nose Frida snot sucker is the best invention ever.

8. Anything with 4 legs is a "doggy".

9. Bibs are made to be torn off and thrown on the floor.

10. Always put the stroller brake on. Always. Especially if you're at the top of a slight hill and it happens to be a windy day.

Rory Keiko: 11 Month Update

 Dear Rory,

This has been a month full of fun, learning, and adventures. You went on your first trip, said your first words, and took your first steps! I say this every month, but watching you grow and learn brings me so much joy.

You don't sit still very long anymore, and you are into everything. We're in full baby-proofing mode. You're favorite toys right now are your peek-a-boo blocks and anything stuffed. Mommy found a bag of finger puppets at a consignment sale, and you can't get enough of them. Sometimes Marli thinks they are her toys, and you and her get in an old fashioned tug-of-war contest. (I'm sorry to say that you usually lose.) You also enjoy rides in your tricycle and trips to the park to see the chickens.

It's amazing how quickly you are learning. Daddy has taught you to point to your nariz (nose) and your "boca" (mouth). You can make elephant and horse noises, and you point to animals in your books, waiting for mommy or daddy to make the right sounds. You are understanding so much of what we say and you have become so observant. You point to pretty much everything, and you're not satisfied until we let you touch, feel, taste, and smell whatever catches your interest.

You love staying with Amanda and playing with the neighbor boys, but you're not a big fan of the nursery drop-off at the gym. Just yesterday I had to end my workout early because you wouldn't stop crying.

Your greatest love (besides daddy) is music. If you hear anything that even half-way resembles a beat, you start to dance. Just the other day, I was banging two blocks together, and you started moving your head from side to side in rhythm to the makeshift beat I had created. It doesn't matter what kind of music it is (nursery rhymes, country, daddy's horrible techno music), you can move to it.

Your personality is becoming stronger, and it's fun to see what traits you've inherited from me and which ones come from your dad. You become frustrated easily (me) and you love to talk (also me). You love to play with any type of ball (dad) and you are almost always in a good mood (definitely dad).

When I look at you, I don't see a baby anymore. You have six teeth, drink from a sippy cup, and have hair long enough for a small pony tail. And in one month, you will officially be a toddler. Rory, you have made me a better person and the world a better place. I love you to the moon and back.

We have to keep the bathroom door closed so you don't see your bath and get to get in the tub.

Boxes: Every child's favorite toy.

Hanging out in the laundry basket.

Proof that you're Irish. There is now a lock on the liquor cabinet.

Playing in the tunnel at story time.

It's fall!

Your favorite thing at the playground.

Happy baby!

Hanging with Chili in Wyoming during our visit to Auntie Karla's house. 

The Difference Between Men and Women

I can't speak for the entire female population, but I personally would have thrown this jar of peanut butter away based on the following facts:

1. Let's just start with the most basic- the jar is 99.9% empty.

2. Rory can't have peanut butter.

3. Marli's tongue is about an inch long.

My husband decided it was worth returning to the pantry. I can't even begin to guess why.

How I Know It's Four O' Clock (A Photo Essay)

(Let's just say this isn't the only toilet paper roll in the house that looks like this.)

Disappointed husband not pictured. 

Three Things Thursday

1. Gilmore Girls is on Netflix!
Hello, my name is Lindsey, and I am a Gilmore Girls addict. All 100 episodes are on Netflix, and I've almost plowed through the first season in the span of 5 days. I forgot how witty, charming, and awesomely cheesy this show is. It's a nice break from Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Bachelor in Paradise. I will save the topic of the downfall of American television for another day.

2. Rory's First Birthday
Rory turns one in less than a month. (How did this happen?!) I am in the process of planning her birthday party, and once again, Pinterest saves the day. I want something easy classic and simple, so no themes. Here are a few projects I will be attempting...hopefully we don't end up with a bunch of #pinterestfails.

The cake is what I'm most excited about. Obviously.

A good excuse to print the photos that have been living in our computer for the past year.

3. Christmas Card Photos
Ugh. I managed to avoid this painful process last year because Rory was only a few months old at Christmas, but I have yet to think of an acceptable excuse for this year, so I guess you'll be receiving a card from us in a few months. (Just don't expect a letter detailing our every accomplishment in 2014...especially since the only real accomplishment I can think of is, "managed to keep baby alive and well.") The nice thing about having a kid is that you don't actually have to be in the picture yourself, so we're planning on taking a few shots of Rory in a Santa hat and calling it a day.

Is this for real?

My Obligatory Pumpkin Patch Post

We visited a local pumpkin patch yesterday (along with the rest of Highlands Ranch, apparently), and I wouldn't be living up to my white American suburban mom stereotype if I didn't blog about it. (To be fair, I didn't war UGGS and I was drinking an iced coffee, not a pumpkin spice latte.) We only had to drive about twenty minutes to Flat Acres Farm in Parker, Colorado. The admission was a little steep ($11!), but this place had everything: bouncy houses, a corn maze, playgrounds, a petting zoo, and even corn kernel boxes. (See picture below. I know, I was confused at first, too.) And the best part of the whole day was that Rory was finally able to wear her candy corn pants.

Don't judge me. My kid won't keep socks on.

"Look mom! Over there! Another white girl taking a selfie in her infinity scarf!" 

How cute are these pants?!

Oh, hi!

I know! Instead of sand, we'll fill the box with a million tiny choking hazards. Brilliant!

She was obsessed with this blow-up Frankenstein, yet she couldn't care less about the animals in the petting zoo. 

The entrance to the "Snake Pit". (It was just a long tunnel with random hay bales.)

The Weight of the World

When Rory was born my anxiety hit an all time high. I was running on very little sleep and it suddenly hit me that I was now responsible for keeping another human being alive and well. Almost a year has passed since she was placed in my arms for the first time, and though I am no longer sleep deprived, I am still as worried and anxious as the day she was born. As Rory grows and changes, so do my worries.

Our world is a scary place, and it may sound strange, but it wasn't until Rory was born that I understood why some people don't want children. And not because I regretted for a single second our decision to have a child, but because of the enormous pressure and anxiety that comes with bringing a child into the world. There are days, and sometimes whole weeks when I have this constant ache in my chest because I can't  stop thinking about every little thing that can go wrong.There are the normal, everyday worries: Am I doing enough to stimulate my child's brain development? Is my baby eating enough? When should she go down to just one nap a day?
And then there are the bigger, scarier questions that some people are lucky enough to be able to push towards the back of their minds: What if my baby gets cancer? What if I get cancer and my baby grows up without a mother? What if she's allergic to bees and I don't know it? Will she be bullied? Or worse, will she be a bully? Will she be one of the 2 in 5 people who is sexually abused as a child?

Social media and the news do little to relieve my fears. There's Ebola and child abductions and planes disappearing. There's the story of the mom who forego chemo to save her baby, and the little girl who was found 20 miles from where I live cut up into pieces by a 17 year old stranger who lived in her neighborhood. I remember watching a Dutch man being interviewed after the Malaysia flight was shot down over Ukraine. His only daughter was on that flight, and I remember he said, "Whoever shot that plane down, they ruined my life." By the end of the interview, I had tears streaming down my face, because every parent's worst nightmare is burying their child. Sometimes I just want to cross my arms, stomp my foot and scream, "It's not fair!" Why do such bad things have to happen to good people, and why do bad people get away with such awful things?

On an intellectual level I know that worrying about things like autism and car accidents does nothing to prevent them from happening, but I can't seem to stop myself from viewing the world through a mother's eyes. I have this beautiful, healthy, perfect baby, and all I can think about is that she could be taken from me in less time than it takes to switch lanes on the highway or close the gate at the top of the stairs. We like to think of ourselves as invincible, but human life is fragile.

My point is that being a mother is harder than I ever imagined it would be. I knew waking up in the middle of the night and no longer having any time to myself would be difficult, but I didn't understand the emotional weight that I would gain the day that Rory was born.  Is it worth it? Absolutely. Without a doubt. The joys of motherhood far outweigh the challenges, but becoming a mother made me realize that it's possible to love someone so much it physically hurts. It has made me painfully aware of all of the evil that exists in this world.

But being a mom has also made me see joy in the smallest of things. A first step. The shriek of joy that always accompanies bath time. The butterfly that landed on Rory's shoulder yesterday. So, with unimaginable pain comes unattainable joy. That's the way the world works, because without pain and heartache, we wouldn't know what it means to be truly happy...what it means to be a mother.

A List of Things Rory Called Daddy Today

1. My toothbrush

2. A book

3. Matt Lauer

4. The bathroom door

5. A scarecrow at Hobby Lobby

6. The librarian (To be fair, she was Asian.)

7. Her bath toy

Three Things Thursday

1. So, we need a new roof.

We had a crazy hailstorm on Monday. It went from zero to golfball-sized hail in about 20 seconds flat. As a precaution, I called a roofing company yesterday to assess if there was any damage. Here's how our conversation went:

Tony (Or was it Tommy?): Um, you need a new roof.

Me: Are you sure?

Tony/Tommy: Pretty sure. Here are some pictures. (He shows me some pretty gory pictures of our roof.) Do you have any questions?

Me: Yes, a very important one, actually. How is this going to interfere with my daughter's naps?

Front View. 

Back View. Liberty Mutual said they'd replace the table, so that's good news. 

I would also like to  take this opportunity to formally apologize to Marcos who texted me about ten minutes before this chaos began and told me to move the car into the garage. I waited a little too long, and let's just say our car didn't make it out unscathed. You were right and I was wrong. 

2. My First IKEA Hack

Ever since the invention of Pinterest, I've been fascinated by IKEA hacks.  I love IKEA (I mean, who doesn't?), and we have several IKEA pieces in our house, mostly from our very first apartment in New Hampshire. This means that these tables/dressers/shelves have survived four different moves. (Don't tell me that this stuff doesn't hold up well.) When we finished the basement, I knew I wanted to turn our black Expedit book case into toy storage for Rory, but I wanted to change it up a little. I used light gray chalk paint to paint the outside and we stapled fabric to the back. Here is the finished result:

Close-up. I did some sanding around the edges for a distressed look. 

We just used a staple gun to staple some cheap fabric to the back. It looks good and keeps the baskets from going all the way through and hitting the wall. 

3. "Shake it Off"

I love me some T-Swift , and her new song is so darn catchy. I've watched the video on Youtube more times than I care to admit. Here's the link. (You can thank me later.)