It's been almost three months since you were born. Some days it feels like you're growing too fast and some days I can't wait for you to get bigger. (Usually these are the days when it seems like all you want to do is eat.) The day you were born was the best day of my life, but some of the details are already slipping away, so I think it's time that I write your birth story.
On November 6th, I cleaned the house like a crazy person. I remember texting your dad and telling him that I was "nesting". I commented that 7-11 would be a cool birthday. Fast forward a few hours. At 3:00 pm while reading in bed, I began to feel strong cramps that would come and go, but weren't very painful. I told your father that it may be the start of something, but not to leave work early.
When your dad came home from work, we took Marli on a walk around the neighborhood, hoping to speed up the contractions, but instead they stopped completely. I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going to have the pleasure of meeting you that day. A few hours later after dinner (I can't remember what I ate!), I began to feel the pains again. Your dad timed them on his phone using an app he had downloaded. We quickly discovered that there was no pattern to my contractions. Some were 30 seconds apart and others were 10 minutes apart. They were still not very painful, so I was convinced that I was having false labor pains.
I told your dad to go to sleep while I read a book in bed. Of course, he had no trouble falling asleep, but I couldn't get comfortable. The pains began to feel more intense, and the only thing that seemed to help was pacing. I walked from our bedroom to your nursery to the guest room and back to our room. I did this over and over again while your dad slept soundly. Eventually I began to wonder if perhaps this wasn't false labor after all. I tried going to sleep, but the pain was impossible to ignore. Around 10:00, your dad woke up and found me squatting on the stairs."I'm okay," I told him through gritted teeth. He didn't believe me.
We decided to time the contractions, but they were still inconsistent. I had read that if it was in fact false labor, a warm bath would slow down the contractions, so I decided to try it. The pains continued to grow in intensity, even after the bath, so dad convinced me that we should call the hospital. At this point, I was still in denial that I was in actual labor. I told him he could call, but that they were just going to send me home. The nurse on call told us to come in, so we grabbed the bag that had been packed for weeks and got in the subi. The last thing I thought before we closed the door was that the next time we entered the house, we would be a family of three.
Any doubts I had about whether or not I was in actual labor went out the window on the drive to the hospital. The pain became almost unbearable, mostly because I couldn't get in a comfortable position while sitting in the front seat with my seat belt on. Luckily it was 11:00 pm and there was no traffic, so we arrived at the hospital relatively quickly. I think your dad wanted to get there faster than I did. After we saw a video of a car birth in our Bradley Method Class, he was convinced that you would be born in the car on the side of the highway. Luckily, you were not a highway baby.
When we arrived at the hospital through the emergency entrance, I was taken to labor and delivery in a wheelchair. I remember thinking I hope I'm at least a few centimeters dilated. Turns out, I was already 7 cm dilated. It was at that moment that I realized that after months of waiting, I was finally going to get to meet you. Our nurse's name was Natalie, and she was fantastic. We left our birth plan in the car, but luckily your dad had it on his phone. He read the plan to Natalie who wrote down what we wanted on the white board that was in the room. I really wanted to try a natural childbirth. I had read the statistics and knew that if I had an epidural, you had a greater chance of being born via c-section. I had taken 12 weeks of a Bradley Method Class to prepare my body for a natural childbirth, but I still wasn't sure I'd be able to do it. If it wasn't for the support of you father and the hospital staff, I'm not sure I would have been able to do it. Natalie asked me how I wanted to labor until pushing time, and I told her I wanted to get in the tub. She helped me in and showed me how to work the jets. The warm water helped me through some of the worst contractions.
After about an hour, I got out and began pacing the room. I could tell that I was entering the "transition" phase of labor, which is the most painful. I would walk around the room until I felt a contraction coming, and then I would use the bar in the bathroom to squat and try to breath through it. Your father followed me at a distance and didn't say a word. He gave me ice chips when I asked for them, but other than that, it was like he wasn't even there. He knows me well because that's exactly how I wanted it. I was in a zone, and I didn't want anybody distracting me. I'm ashamed to say that during my labor, I said a lot of words that I never want to hear come out of your mouth. According to your father, I also spoke to God a lot. Luckily, this phase didn't last too long, and soon I began to feel the need to push. The Midwife (Patty) came into the room and helped me get on the bed. She told me it was time to push.
The first push was the strangest sensation I have ever felt. There was so much pressure, and quite honestly, it felt like I was going to poop you out. I thought, "this can't be right", but both the nurse and the midwife assured me that it was. I remember thinking how mad I was at all of my friends who had already had babies for not telling me that it was going to feel like this. How had they so conveniently left out this important piece of information?
Pushing was hard work. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I think the only thing that got me through it was knowing that every push brought me closer to meeting you. At one point I saw your head coming out. You had so much hair! And it was curly! After your head was out, I gave one last big push, and there you were. They put you on my chest, and I can't even begin to try to explain what I felt. I pray to God that you have the privilege of having children of your own someday because it is the most amazing feeling in the world. You were absolutely perfect...And then you pooped and peed. All over me. But I didn't mind. I just couldn't believe that your dad and I had created something so beautiful.
Your dad cut the cord after it stopped pulsing and then they put you in the incubator a few feet away so that they could weigh and measure you. I couldn't take my eyes off of you, even when they began to stitch me. I had a bad internal tear and I was losing a lot of blood, but I was focused only on you. Your dad was taking pictures and calling your grandparents to deliver the good news. It felt like it took forever for the midwife to finish treating me, and all I could think was, "Let me hold my baby!". It was the first time that I realized that from this point forward, my pain would always be secondary to yours. Even though I had just met you, I would already do anything for you.
Finally, it was time for us to go to the maternity ward. They placed you in my arms and wheeled me to our room where I finally got to really look at you. You had ten fingers and ten toes and the most beautiful almond-shaped eyes.You looked nothing like me. Your dad and I stared at you for hours. We thought (and still do!) that everything you did was wonderful. Every sound and movement you made was amazing. We even marveled at your first poop. Little did we know that your poop would be something we would discuss often in the upcoming months.
The nurses were all wonderful. Everyone that came in commented on what a beautiful baby you were. I'm sure they say that to all the parents, but your dad and I couldn't be prouder. Look at what we made! Look how perfect she is! I wasn't supposed to sleep with you in my bed but the thought of you being even a foot away in your bassinet was unbearable. I had waited so long to meet you, and I wanted to keep you in my arms. I wanted to smell your head and feel you soft skin. To me, you were a little slice of heaven.
Now, three months later, my love has only grown stronger. I know one day you won't be little anymore. You will go on your first date. You will graduate from high school. And someday, if you are lucky, you will have children of your own. Even though I will be your mom for many years to come, I will never forgot that first moment when the nurse placed you in my arms. It was bliss. Pure bliss.
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