To Sleep: A Love Letter

Dear Sleep,

I promise if you come back to me, I will no longer take you for granted. I will cherish every precious minute I spend with you. I will no longer ignore you or put off our time together. You have been so distant for the past few months. We used to spend all night together and even some afternoons, but now you seem content to waste the day away with Marli. Your teasing is cruel. Every night you come to me quickly, but are gone by 2:30 in the morning-right when I need you most.

Is there anything I can do to make you come back to me? I admit that as a small child, and then again as a college student, I didn't think I needed you. I scoffed at your efforts and rejected your advances. I'm ashamed to say that in recent years, iced Coffee, cherry vodka sours, and episode after episode of Breaking Bad quickly replaced you. But I promise I have seen the error of my ways. I realize now that I am nothing without you.  I would do anything to spend just one night with you. People say it will be at least another year before you're ready to come back to me, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please reconsider; I promise you won't regret it.

Sincerely,
Sleep-Deprived Mama

PS: If you won't come back to me, would you at least consider spending time with Rory from about 9-11 and 1-3 everyday?

Rory Keiko 4 Month Update

Rory,

When I was pregnant, other parents would always tell me to enjoy the first year because it passes so quickly. Boy were they right! I can't believe you are already 4 months old.  You are super alert and very observant and you have a constant smile on your face. You love petting Marli and watching her run around the living room. Your favorite book is "Brown Bear Brown Bear" by Eric Carle, and you can't get enough of the Baby Einstein videos. You know how to roll over from your back to your tummy and you love "standing" with mommy's help. We are trying to get you on a schedule, which is proving to be quite difficult. Right now you are napping about 4 times a day, but never for the same amount of time! We also don't leave the house much because you hate your carseat. We barely pull out of the driveway before you start screaming. I think God made me your mommy so that I could learn patience!

You wake up 1-2 times a night, and no matter what time you go to bed, you wake up at 6 am! You are happiest in the morning and you like to talk to yourself in your crib until mommy or daddy comes to get you. You have discovered your hands and you love sucking on your thumb and anything else you can shove in your mouth. On nice days, we take walks around the neighborhood in your stroller. Sometimes we have playdates with your friend Cooper, who is one month younger than you. Of course, you don't really play together yet, but it's fun for Cooper's mommy and I to catch up and discuss the joys and challenges of motherhood.

We've also had lots of visitors this month. Your grandparents from Connecticut were here for a long weekend, and they fell in love with you like I knew they would. Mommy's college friend, Katie, visited us during her spring break. Unfortunately, she came at the beginning of our nap training efforts, so we didn't leave the house much, but she and mommy were able to catch up and make lots of good food. Daddy's old boss from New Hampshire was here for one night after a few days of skiing in the mountains. He took lots of pictures of you so that he could show you off to all of daddy's old co-workers.

Your dad and I still can't believe how incredibly lucky we are to have you in our lives. You bring such joy to us each and every day! I am so looking forward to seeing how much you grow and change in the next month!

You talkin' to me?!

Happy baby!

Swaddles are no match for you now!

You love chewing on those hands!

Every morning you watch mommy make her breakfast from your spot on the counter. 

You're finally big enough for your exersaucer, and you can't get enough! 

One of the rare moments you aren't crying in your carseat. 

Everything goes in your mouth now! 

To Rory: Why You Are the Luckiest Girl in the World

Dear Rory,

There are lots of reasons you are lucky. There are the basics, of course: a warm house, clean clothes, and plenty of food to keep your belly full. You are also lucky for countless other reasons: You were born in a country that allows you to be free. You will be bilingual. You  have the awesome opportunity to be a part of several amazing cultures. You have lots of aunts, uncles, and grandparents that already spoil you rotten. You will grow up in a loving home in one of the greatest cities in the United States. I could go on forever, but if I had to just pick one reason that you are the luckiest girl, it would be that you have the best dad in the whole world. Want to know how I know this? Because he's also the best husband in the whole world. 

I think most mothers hope their babies grow up to be just like them, but not me. Sure, I hope you inherit my punctuality and my taste in music, but beyond that, I hope you're just like you're dad. 

Not a day goes by when I am not in awe of his patience, his grace, and his ability to put a positive spin on even life's most challenging moments. I, on the other hand, become frustrated easily, am quick to place blame, and have a very hard time seeing the silver lining in any situation. Trust me, life is much harder when you're a cynic with an Irish temper. 

When your dad and I went on our first date, I called your grandmother and told her with complete confidence that I had met the man I was going to marry. He was funny, smart, handsome, and had a Brazilian accent to boot. Sure enough, about 13 months later, we stood together at the local courthouse and became husband and wife. At the time, I didn't think life could get any better. Turns out, I was wrong.

Since the day we were married, your father has encouraged me to be my best self. He listens when I need to vent and makes me laugh when I'm feeling down. But he also puts me in my place when I'm being incorrigible and reminds me to be grateful when I complain about petty things. I fall more in love with him everyday, and I can't imagine life without him.

I didn't realize it at the time, but the qualities that make your dad a great husband are the same qualities that make him a great father. Your dad will always support you and encourage you to be your best. He will be your biggest fan, whether it be at a soccer game or a piano recital. He will patiently help you with your homework and he will practice your backhand with you until you get it just right.

Don't get me wrong, he will be hard on you, too. He will check to see what you're wearing before you leave the house. He will make sure you're home on time and that you know how to protect yourself. He won't let you leave anyone out or talk badly about someone, no matter what they may have done to you. He will make sure you know how to change a flat tire and he will remind you repeatedly that nothing good happens after midnight.

You may be wondering how I know all of this, after all, you are just a baby. I know this because in the few short months that you've been on this Earth, I've already seen it. I've seen him sing you songs in Portuguese before you go to bed each night. I've seen him carefully shampoo your hair at bath time and hold your hand at your vaccination appointments. I've seen him rush home after work so that he can spend time with you before you go to bed. I've seen him proudly show you off to his family and friends, and I've heard him say countless times how lucky we are to have such a smart, beautiful baby. And he's right, we are very lucky to have you, and we thank God for you each and every day.

But no matter what happens in life, I want you to remember that you are lucky too. You have the kindest, most selfless father who would do anything for you, and that's what makes both of us the luckiest girls in the world. 

One of your first days home from the hospital. 

Daddy makes a good pillow. 

Promises I've Already Broken to My Past Self

Before I had a baby, there were lots of things I swore to myself I would never do. Here is a list of some, but not all, of the promises I've already broken since Rory was born:

I promised myself I would never breastfeed without a cover. 
When your baby's screaming to be fed and your nursing cover is at the bottom of your diaper bag, the small chance that a few strangers may catch a glimpse of your boobs just doesn't seem that pressing of an issue.

I promised myself that I would never let my child's nap times dictate my schedule.
Ha. Just ha. (I also want to take this opportunity to formally apologize to all of my friends who had babies before me and who had to deal with my ignorant responses (read eye-rolling) when they told me they couldn't attend a social event due to nap time. I get it now, I really do.)

I promised myself I would never offer my baby a pacifier. 
Offer? I begged her to take one. I stopped just short of shoving it in her mouth and manually moving her jaw in a sucking motion. On the bright side, I won't have to pry it out of her hands when she's 2 years old.

I promised myself I would never cry at my child's vaccination appointments. 

Ugh, I  dread these appointments. One minute Rory's lovingly looking into my eyes as the doctor prepares the shots and the next she's screaming so loudly only dogs can hear her. It feels like the ultimate form of betrayal. I know it's cliche, but you really would take their place if you could. I'm a coward, so I usually make Marcos hold her hand during the shots and then nurse her immediately afterwards. 

I promised myself I would never tip toe around the house while my child is sleeping. 

Um, have you read my post about opening cookies in the bathroom? Are you really surprised that I tip toe around the house and give Marcos the evil eye every time he steps on the creaky stair? Running the dryer and vacuuming are great if you're a masochist or have a heavy sleeper, but Rory wakes at the slightest noise. 

I promised myself I would never wear pajamas all day or "let myself go". 

I think we can all agree that I let myself go a long time ago. My makeup is literally covered in dust and I don't remember the last time my hair wasn't in a pony tail. I'm sorry, but I just don't see the point in dressing up* when the only time I leave my house is to run to the grocery store a mile away. Perhaps when Rory is out of the "I hate the car seat phase", we may venture other places. 

* Yes, this includes jeans. 

I promised myself I would never blame my baby for arriving late. 

Well, I'm not the one that pooped as soon as I was strapped into the car seat. 

I promised myself I would never do this: 

Take that, UPS man. 

I promised myself I would never say things like, "before I had kids..."

See above. 

Why I Opened a Package of Cookies in the Bathroom

Well readers, (all 2 of you), the day I've been dreading has finally arrived. The day when Rory no longer sleeps anywhere at anytime. Gone are the days when we can bring her along to watch the Broncos play at a bar and just tuck her under the table as she sleeps soundly in her carseat. Gone are the days when I can reply "yes" to any social engagement without having to think about Rory's feeding and napping schedule. Coffee date at 2 in the afternoon? Sure! As long as it happens to fall in between Rory's 5 forty minute catnaps that she's so keen on taking.

Four months has not been very fun so far. It began with the 4 month sleep regression. (Again, why didn't anyone warn me about this??) Oh, you've never heard of it either? Google it and try not to cry. After months of sleeping a 6-8 hour stretch, Rory was up every few hours for almost a week. We thought maybe her bassinet was getting too small for her, so we moved her into her crib. Apparently, this was not the problem. On the bright side, she is now sleeping in her nursery, so Marcos and I are able to speak with actual words rather than hand gestures before we go to bed at night.

Days haven't been much better. I decided that Rory should no longer be sleeping on me and should instead nap in her crib. Nap training is so much harder than I thought it would be. The first day I simply placed her in her crib and closed the door. As I crept out of her room, I excitedly thought of all the things I was going to do around the house while she slept soundly for the next two hours. I barely made it down the stairs before she started screaming.

Since that day, I've been obsessively reading about infant sleep patterns and various sleep training methods. I even called Rory's pediatrician to ask her opinion. Her response? Let her cry it out. I tried that and lasted about 2 minutes. We're both just not ready for that at this point. (Although that could change in the next few months.) From all of my reading and advice seeking (I apologize to all of my friends with children who I harassed for sleep tips), I've discovered a few important points regarding baby sleep:

• The most helpful thing you can do is get your baby on a routine. I say routine instead of schedule because to me, a schedule implies specific times, and each day may not match up exactly with the previous one, but your routine/order of events should stay the same.
• If you put your baby to bed at the same time each night, he or she should wake up at the same time each morning (give or take), making it easier for you to plan feedings and naps. 
• A baby shouldn't be awake for more than 2 hours. This makes it very hard to leave the house. 
• Try to put your baby down awake but drowsy. This will help her learn to put herself to sleep. Also, if you put them in their crib when they're asleep, it's like going to sleep in your bed and waking up on the kitchen floor. A bit confusing. 
• Learning to self-soothe is a skill, much like crawling and walking. If you are always carrying your baby, she will never learn how to crawl. Similarly, if you always rock your baby to sleep, she will never learn how to put herself to sleep.
• Some babies are just short nappers. At 4 months, several short naps is pretty normal, and hopefully they will learn to consolidate their sleep in the upcoming weeks. 
• It's okay to let your baby cry a little. If you're constantly rushing into her room as soon as you hear her wake, she will miss out on valuable opportunities to learn to self-soothe. 
• No single method of sleep training works for all babies, or parents for that matter. Read up on various methods and pick and choose what works for you. 
• Keep a sleeping log. This will help you discover when your baby becomes tired, how often he or she is eating, and how long they are napping. It will also help you see progress and serve as a form of encouragement. 
• You must become aware of your baby's tired signals. These include eye rubbing, ear/hair pulling, decreased interaction and increased fussiness. 
• Make sure you're establishing sustainable sleep associations for you baby. If you constantly rock and sing your child to sleep, she will expect that every time she wakes up. This is why it's important to forego the feed-sleep association if possible, or your baby will have a difficult time falling asleep without eating, making for long nights and a difficult weaning process. 
• If you currently do a lot to help your child fall asleep, gradually remove each sleep association over a period of a few weeks. 

Just because I've become aware of these points, doesn't mean I always put them into practice. I've started a sleeping log about ten times, and each time I forget to use it consistently. We also don't put Rory down in her crib awake every time she goes to sleep, but this is my main goal because I believe that this is the most effective way to help her learn to sleep on her own.

I have read just about every sleep book out there, and "The No-Cry Nap Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley is by far my favorite. It just makes sense. My favorite baby sleep quote comes from this book:

"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents' enjoyment of their babies, its rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep."
-James McKenna

In other words, RELAX. Obviously it's important to get your baby on a schedule and make sure they're getting enough sleep, but not to the point where it's causing you anxiety. When I become frustrated or feel as though this phase will never end, I just think about how much I will miss being able to rock Rory to sleep when she no longer fits in my arms. That usually puts things in perspective for me. 

So by now you're probably wondering why I named this post what I did. Well, when your baby only naps for half an hour and you have a craving for Trader Joe's cookies that just won't go away, you do what you have to do. 

Books I Can't Wait to Read to Rory

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm an avid reader. Before Rory was born (Am I the only one that divides all life events into two categories: pre-baby and post-baby?), I visited the library at least once a week.  I'm one of those people that become depressed when I finish a really good book. My husband doesn't allow me to bring books along on road trips anymore because I inevitably end up ignoring him. (I am blessed with the ability to read in the car without feeling sick.)

Needless to say, as a teacher and a book-lover, I understand the importance of introducing children to books as early as possible, and I've been reading to Rory pretty much since the day I found out I was pregnant. Reading classics such as "Goodnight Moon" (who decided this was a good book?) and "Guess How Much I Love You" has become a part of our bedtime routine, along with watching an episode of Dexter. (I apologize in advance for future nightmares.)

As much as I love reading Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle, I can't wait to share some of my favorite books and novels with Rory. I can't wait for the day when we can actually discuss literature, even if we disagree. I learned so much about life from books (thank God for Judy Blume), and I know there will be times when instead of trying to explain something, I will simply hand Rory a book. There are many things I pray for (sleep, a smaller waist, and of course, world peace), but at the top of the list is that Rory will inherit my love for reading. I pray that I will find her under the covers with a book and a flashlight hours past her bedtime because she just couldn't go to bed without finding out how it ends. Of course, I will pretend to be upset, but after I order her to put the book down and go to sleep, I will close her door with a smile on my face.

There are so many books I want to read to/with Rory, but these are the ones that top the list:

Shel Silverstein's Where the Sidewalk Ends



I want Rory to enjoy all genres, including poetry. Shel Silverstein is hilarious, but many of his poems also have a great message.

Anything by Mo Willems



If you haven't discovered Mo Willems yet, run (or drive if you're lazy) to your local bookstore and purchase anything with his name on it. I promise you won't be disappointed. I haven't met a single kid who doesn't enjoy these books. Mo Willems books were often the only books that appealed to my most reluctant readers when I taught kindergarten and first grade.

Dr. Seuss' The Lorax, The Sneetches, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Horton Hear a Who, etc. 



Dr. Seuss was a bit crazy, but he was also a bit brilliant. (These two attributes often go hand in hand, don't they?) I don't really care for The Cat in the Hat or Fox in Sox, but I love Seuss' books that are embedded with important life lessons. Is there any better line than, "A person's a person no matter how small"? Brilliant, I tell you!

Julie Andrew's Mandy



This was my favorite book as a child. I must have read it ten times. It's about an orphan girl in England who finds a small, abandoned cottage in the woods and decides to fix it up. A lot more happens, and I don't want to give anything away, but she may or may not end up getting adopted. (Bet you didn't see that one coming!) As predictable as it may be, it's a great feel-good read.

Eleanor Estes' The Hundred Dresses



Because there is no better way to explain the importance of being kind to everyone.

Sharon Creech's Love That Dog



I've read hundreds of books in my 28 years, and this remains my favorite by far. I still cannot get through this book without sobbing. Whether or not you're a dog lover, I challenge you to read this book without shedding a tear. I promise I don't look forward to making my daughter cry, but this book is the epitome of good, powerful writing.

Anything by Roald Dahl



Please don't ask me to pick one book. It's impossible to say one is better than another when it comes to Roald Dahl. I have fond memories of spending hours in my bedroom totally engrossed in The BFG and James and the Giant Peach. Dahl does a great job weaving humor and tragedy into his writing, making it appealing to both children and adults.

Markus Zusak's The Book Thief



I read this book my senior year of college and couldn't put it down. It's set in Europe during WW2 and is narrated by death. If that doesn't hook you, I don't know what will. It's an amazing story and beautifully written. Although tragic and often unfathomable, I think it's important to keep the memories of WW2 alive, lest we forget and history repeats itself.

Anything by Jodi Piccoult 



I went through a period a few years ago when I read about 10 Jodi Piccoult books in 2 months. Needless to say, I felt as though I had a law degree by the time I was finished. I now limit myself to one a year. What I love most about these books is that there are always two sides to the story, which makes for great discussions. Plus, this will help Rory learn the very important lesson that the book is always better than the movie.

My Obligatory Cloth Diaper Post: Part 3

Organization 

Being organized is the most important part of cloth diapering, in my opinion. If I weren't organized and didn't have an effective wash routine, it would be a lot more difficult, and I would be much more likely to reach for the disposables.

I bought a white bookcase from IKEA for $25 that I use to organize Rory's cloth diapers. It sits right next to her changing table, which makes it very easy to access her diapers and anything else that I may need when changing her.

There are 3 shelves. On the top shelf, I keep her diaper covers and all-in-ones. The second shelf houses the inserts, and I keep her liners and wipes on the bottom shelf. Since I usually change her on the floor, this set-up works best for me at the moment.

I keep her diaper cream, lotion, and grooming kit on top of the bookcase, since I often reach for these things during changing times. Her diaper pail and a bottle of Bacout are easily accessible on the other side of her changing table, and the smaller wetbag that I use to dispose of her wipes/liners hangs on the inside doorknob. Her room is quite small, so everything is relatively close and easy to reach. Her bedroom is right next to the bathroom, which is convenient for those times when I need to use the diaper sprayer.

My Wash Routine

I must have read at least 30 blogs and message boards before deciding on a wash routine, and my first time washing CD was still a disaster. (I ended up with diapers that still had poop on them!)

After doing some more reading, I figured out that my top-loader high efficiency washer wasn't using enough water to clean the CD, so I reworked my wash routine and I haven't had a problem since.

If you're still trying to figure out the best wash routine, don't give up. It's a frustrating process because there are so many factors to consider. It's all about trial and error and making adjustments until you get it right.

Many of the wash routines I read about online included up to 5 rinses per wash! I don't know about you, but one of the big reasons I am cloth diapering is to save money and to lessen my environmental impact. If I'm rinsing my diapers seven times per wash, I'm doing neither. Fortunately, I've discovered an effective wash routine that involves only two rinses.

My wash routine is as follows:

1 soak cycle with warm water
(No detergent, one scoop of Oxiclean Baby)

This helps remove any of the excess solids and the soak feature allows the Oxiclean Baby to work its magic. Also, the diapers become heavier after absorbing water from the soak cycle, which tricks my HE washer into using more water during the actual wash cycle. After this cycle is finished, I quickly look at each diaper, and if there are any stubborn stains, I rub my Buncha Farmers stain stick on the spots before beginning the wash cycle.

1 wash cycle set on "bulky" using hot water and 1 extra rinse
(With  Ecos Free and Clear detergent)

I  think it's important to use the hottest water possible at this point to kill any germs and remove as much ammonia as possible. I use the bulky setting because it uses more water and I turn the extra rinse on to make sure all of the detergent is removed.

So far, I haven't had any problems with staining or stink. I've been cloth diapering for almost two months now, and haven't felt the need to strip my diapers, but I do plan on ordering Rockin Green Funk Rock just in case I run into any ammonia problems.

I put all of my inserts in the dryer and hang dry anything with PUL. I wash my CD twice a week, but I don't have set wash days. I wash the diapers when there are about five clean diapers left. This ensures that there will be enough diapers for Rory to use while the others are washing/drying.